Children prefer to be seen as bad rather than not smart

Besides having 32 years teaching experience, she authored a book titled Words Will Never Hurt Me and did a video "No Thanks I Just Had a Banana", simple easy reading self help material on becoming and guiding others to be tease and bully-proofed.

The presentation was titled "Bag O Tricks for making Discipline a Breeze." Not only were we empowered with strategies in solving bullying and discipline problems in school and home but we were thoroughly entertained with Sally’s charismatic personality and humour.

In a nutshell Sally’s big picture is that fear of inadequacy, failure and rejection are the motives for all negative behaviour. The human psyche does not know how to deal with these imaginary dangers so as a result the following tendencies are played out to varying degrees, Being victim: blaming, making excuses being critical, negative, Vengeful. Getting Angry, being cruel, aggressive or violent.

Making others wrong and putting others down. Controlling others by making them afraid.

Seeking proof of one’s own inadequacy, Demanding attention and applause. Having to be right. Having to win. Having to be best. Being a perfectionist. Performing: Having to always look good, say and do the right thing. Not allowing intimacy. Being in control: Avoiding change.

Making the rules. Having to know what’s going on at all times. Setting expectations and demands for others. Not being willing to admit weaknesses or expose feelings. Protecting oneself, not taking risks. Not taking responsibility. Avoiding commitments. Withdrawing, giving up. Becoming reclusive. lying, cheating.

All kids want to be loved and feel successful. All kids. And sadly, what is behind most behaviour problems in the school is not that kids want to be lazy or bad, but that they have a lifetime of experiencing fear, and this is how it is manifested. Kids would rather be seen as bad than not smart. The rejection and inadequacy issues for them are so huge, they will always find ways to avoid work, and disguise it as a behaviour problem. We need to look at how we adults create fear in our youth through how we talk to them. The anger seen in today’s youth is only a reflection of the fearful relationships they experience with the people who have the most influence in their lives: Teachers and parents.

In light of all this shall we strive to dispel fears in others especially those of children? This seems to be our main hope.

Many many thanks to Suzette Julien, Linda Anderson and the Principal of the International School of Port-of-Spain, Mr Barney Latham for bringing us this gift.

SOPHIE BARCANT

Port-of-Spain