Making marriage work
THE EDITOR: There are so many emotional, mental and physical differences between the male and female of the species that it seems surprising that the institution of marriage has been able to survive as the basis of our civilisation. So therefore communication is the basic ingredient in any successful marriage. In some relationships, the only communication that takes place deals with unimportant things and it may be based on accusations and counter-charges. In a restaurant it is quite easy to pick out married couples, by the simple fact that there is usually little exchange of conversation. To discover the emotional needs of the other and to do everything possible to validate those feelings whether they seem logical or not is significant. The success of relationships will be to the extent that both husband and wife mature emotionally and spiritually to the point where childhood ideas are replaced by more mature concepts. So instead of demanding that all my needs be met, I will seek to meet the needs of my partner. And rather than trying to change others, I will recognise that I cannot change anyone else. I can change myself, and when I change others tend in time to change in relation to me. Instead of expecting unconditional love, I will face the fact that no one gives this kind of limitless love consistently. I will give love rather than demanding or expecting it, believing that love begets love. To love properly one needs some self-esteem. When we dislike ourselves we project our self-contempt onto others in the form of criticism. A R JORDAN Sangre Grande
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"Making marriage work"