Your own cheerleader

“My family couldn’t understand why I would want to leave the security of my job. Naysayers at work — people who were unhappy with their own jobs - said I wouldn’t find a better position and that I should stay put,” she says.

“I wanted to make more money, but I couldn’t advance. I wasn’t happy.” After two years of soul-searching, Thompson chose to make the leap and ultimately landed a position at a startup financial services firm.

Thompson exhibited a self-validation that clinical psychologist Barbara Brown defines as the ability to go inside oneself and affirm one’s own thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. “Whether anyone else believes in you or affirms your personhood or abilities, you need to believe in yourself,” says Brown, principal of Family Assistance in Coping with Trauma and Stress in Washington, DC. “It is extremely important to be self-validated. Otherwise, an inferiority complex can ensue and cause you greater problems as you strive to accomplish other things in life.”

Webster says : “Being self-validated is about whether you are moving in a direction you intend, and not doing things solely because others say you should.”

Are you on the proper end of the self-confirmation spectrum?

Here are some suggestions:

Trait #1: Introspection: Strike a balance between going into yourself and filtering external output to make a decision in your best interest.

Trait #2: Critical analysis and positive thinking: Refer to past successful experiences to help you build the courage to strike out and do things again. Tell yourself, “When I try things, they tend to work out well.”

Trait #3: Independence: When you are less inner directed, you are more vulnerable to being manipulated. When you are more independent, you know you are still OK, whether you are included in the in group or not.

Trait #4: Self-motivation: Remind yourself that you have personal power, and that you can make things happen. Erase those negative mental tapes that say “No, I can’t.”

Trait #5: Perseverance: Take your time and push through difficult challenges. It will help you face future fears about taking a risk and failing.

Trait #6: Strong self-esteem: A solid sense of self-confidence helps ward off feelings of helplessness and pessimism when things don’t work out.