Where Have All The Fathers Gone?

In Trinidad and Tobago, however, the society is being called upon to look deep into its heart and consider why so many fathers in this nation fail their sons and daughters so miserably. It’s a question for which nobody seems to have a ready answer.

Psychology and its dedicated followers have expounded at length on the possible root cause of this degradation of fatherhood.

An incisive analysis will reveal that rank materialism – aided and abetted by fathers who are not around to inculcate values in their children – is the culprit.

The warrior spirit of the male of the species, an integral part of life in earlier times, has metamorphosed over millennia into machismo, measured mainly by sexual exploitation of unsuspecting females. A result of such relationships is what today’s society describes as the “single mother syndrome”.

The courts have failed us; the education system has failed us; religion has failed us and academia has failed us. But today, even as thousands of pairs of hands are wrung in despair, society will come full circle and, with materialism pervading, fathers will be celebrated on their allocated day.

Sadly, children will be prompted by elders to succumb to the many compelling advertisements and a gift will be bought for an almost always absentee dad. It does not matter he is not around for most of the year. It does not matter that he lives many miles away and visits every now and then to leave some money for the child (ren), just so the confused child will not forget what “daddy” looks like.

Back To Basics

Hope lies, however, in an all-out assault on the influences which have led to our seriously skewed value system. There is a dire need to go back to basics: re-cultivate in our children the simple mores like respect for people and their property and other common courtesies. Whatever happened to “Manners maketh man”?

It wasn’t long ago when any adult could correct an errant child on the street and the child dared not go home to complain for fear of receiving further correction. These were all values that fathers, particularly, took great pains to inculcate in their children. So when it is observed that these simple values are now missing, the reason is obvious. There aren’t many real fathers around anymore. There is need to bring to the attention of all, even those fathers who are very much around and trying their darnest to keep their children on the “straight and narrow”, the multitude of societal influences that can turn their world upside down.

Fatherhood, even in the best of times, is very difficult and has become increasingly so in the chaotic environment of the 21st century.

Remember, “It takes a village to raise a child”. With the exposure of today’s children to state-of-the-art communications technology, it’s unsure whether even an entire society can raise a child.

So as we celebrate today – some with fathers, many without – we need to come to terms with the real meaning of fatherhood and, by extension, “Father’s Day”.

Vernon Khelawan, a journalist by profession, is a father of four from his marriage of 43 years to Joan. The family is deeply involved in the Church – particularly at St John the Baptist on St John Road, St Augustine. Vernon and Joan have been involved in marriage preparation for more than three decades and Vernon is a member of the CAMSEL team.