Love and marriage: the severed alliance

The HWO has done its research and presented information such as that “experience can play a significant role in the development of the prefrontal cortex and that children exposed to a variety of stimuli and challenges may develop more quickly than others”, which looks rather confusing, out of context, and could be used as an argument by both sides.

It has also, though, reassessed the whole idea of marriage, an analysis that concluded it was “a three-fold state encompassing a sacrament — a spiritual union between a man and a woman; a contract — a personal agreement to live together as man and woman for life; and an institution — a lawful custom in society to bring stability to the family and the social order”.

It is almost quaint in this day and age to see marriage described in such terms. Being a Christian and with no real understanding of Hindu thinking and tradition, the reaction it brings out in me is a kind of relief that my religion is not alone in having such basic tenets questioned.

In many cultures, not least in the Caribbean, marriage is fast becoming obsolete. The sheer number of young women bringing up children as single mothers, not just without a husband or the child’s father, but any kind of substantial male involvement, may well be responsible for some of the social ills that plague us nowadays.

We’re always hearing about the importance of role models, and the message that is being received by our youngsters is that not only is the religious aspect of marriage irrelevant, but so is the legal aspect.

But it doesn’t end there. The current trend is suggesting that the modern family doesn’t need to involve two adults after all.

Women don’t need men to help raise children. And far from being offended, the baby fathers get off Scot free. No responsibility.

Get her pregnant and move on - it doesn’t matter.

Government-sponsored social arrangements and support, however well-intentioned, have only succeeded in facilitating this trend in many countries, not just this one. The streets of the UK are full of girls from 16 upwards – but often younger – pushing buggies, because the occupants of the buggies have inadvertently provided the girls with accommodation.

They give birth, they are given a council flat and that is the platform for the rest of their lives. It doesn’t encourage the sort of rounded nest-building that past generations benefited from.

But back at the issue of minimum age for marriage, the world has moved on since the days when young girls were seen as fair game. There was a very unpleasant saying around many years ago: “If they’re old enough to bleed, they’re old enough to butcher.” The pop and rock songs reflected this, with everyone from black blues men to white rockers singing the praises of what was seen as fresh meat. “Good Morning Little Schoolgirl” sang a drooling Sonny Boy Williamson in 1937, and the English band Ten Years After happily recorded their own version in the late 60s.

Now that sort of thing is frowned upon, so if young girls are deemed too vulnerable to have sex at an early age, how can a religion promote the virtues of getting married so young? Of course, there is supposed to be a certain safety or security in the institution of marriage, but in some respects it merely takes the same situation and puts it behind closed doors. Who knows what they want to do with their life at 14? Most of us are still dreaming about being pop stars, sports stars and actors. And as for that girl you were pining for in school but who preferred the moron in the class above, as it turns out she wasn’t the one for you in the first place. We don’t spend our whole life in one small village-style community anymore, and the chance of the girl sitting next to you in History being ideal for the rest of your days is pretty slim.

So that’s two extremes: young girls married and railroaded into someone else’s life on the one hand, and the same girls happily pregnant but going it alone on the other.

One thing is certain: adults think they know best and so do children. The older are ruled by experience and the younger by impulse. Society – which means all of us – needs to create stability for all, but that is a lofty goal, and with r e l i g i on’s i n f lu e nc e badly – perhaps fatally - weakened, it falls to families to look after their own.