Nothing but good men

I know of one woman, whose husband’s ex-girlfriend came to her before their wedding to warn her that her fianc? was abusive. Thinking the woman was jealous, she dismissed her warning and is paying the price.

Another woman I know, nobody warned her. Everyone knew the man she was marrying was a closet homosexual, even the minster and no one said a word of warning to her. Now she is paying the price too. Both men argue they are good men but anyone knowing the women in their lives know that is a barefaced lie.

A friend of mine (I know he’s not reading this so I can talk frankly) has been married more than 20 years to the same woman and is compulsively unfaithful.

To him it is no big deal and for a long time his wife turned a blind eye. After all these years, she has, understandably, had enough and wants to divorce. He feels disrespected, but what did he expect after what he’s done all these years? He has decided to convince himself he is a good man and lots of women want to be with him. He is a friend of mine but boy, is he delusional. Middle aged, broke, with a lot of children and unable to be faithful, not a winning combination.

One note to the men reading this article, no woman is ok with infidelity, she may tolerate it for whatever reason but make no mistake she’s not pleased.

The only time I’ve seen a woman be ok with her partner’s unfaithfulness was when she was equally unfaithful, and even then, it was more out of a sense of revenge or consolation. There will be day either now or later but there will be a time of reckoning for all the extracurricular fun. Remember infidelity is incontestable grounds for divorce before the court.

I am also reminded of another woman I know, who met her husband as a teenager and they dated, married, had children and now have grandchildren. In an effort to improve their home it was decided that everyone will save money and renovate the home together.

Her husband in the meantime, secretly bought himself a home, furnished it with all new furniture and appliances and installed his mistress in it. While his wife, children and grandchildren continue to live in a house about to collapse on their heads. Adding insult to injury in an effort to reduce the cost of housing his mistress, he tried to collect the funds saved by his adult children and wife under the guise he was ready to begin the renovation.

Unfortunately, these stories are true; I couldn’t make stuff like this up. I’m a creative but my brain just doesn’t go there. The sad thing is that all these men still are convinced they are good men. For the record, they are not. I don’t have an axe to grind and I’m not ‘toting’ feelings either, I’m just offering some clarity to my fellow men. So...

If you borrowed money from your child’s mother then refuse to pay it back, it doesn’t matter how much church you go to, you’re not a good man.

If the house you are living in has been paid for in part by an ex of yours and you haven’t given the money back, you are not a good man If two women are carrying your children at the same time, it may get you stripes with the boys but you are not a good man.

If your salary goes to your mother rather than contributing to the upkeep of your home and children, you are a good son but not a good man.

If you are busy purchasing the latest sneakers, gadgets, vehicles at the expense of your family’s financial stability, you are not a good man.

I’m not judging the values men choose to live by, rather I’m saying don’t violate the Trade Descriptions Act by pretending to be something you’re not. If you are a bad boy or a predatory wolf, say so, I’m sure some women find that thrilling and you will not be short of willing partners.

However, there are some women that really don’t want the drama and are looking for a good man to be with, so if you know you’re not good, stop trying to sell a six for a nine. If you didn’t know but you recognised yourself in some of the previous paragraphs, don’t be afraid to change your label. It’s only fair to the consumers out there.

So, women let’s do each other a favour, warn a sister when you see her in the jaws of the wolf nah? It’s not going to take any skin of your nose.

Are there good men out there? Yes, yes there are.

I know quite a few, I’m related to a few and I even have one myself. Last week I wrote an entire diatribe on substance and character. Before you look at the superficial, look at the character of an individual, if he has a cute face or a hot body and terrible character, you’ll be crying blood before too long.

I’m thrilled with my nerdy, super smart guy, he’s got great substance and decent character, I should know, I’ve given the poor thing enough stress and he’s held up over the years. There’s nothing like dating a bad man to help you recognise a good one. I know a number of women that went from the worst of the bad men to great men, so it’s never too late.