An Old Testament traveller’s tale

In this book there are no Ten Commandments, but there is an occasional word of advice based on knowledge gained from bitter experience.

One such titbit is this: “If thou bookest the cheapest apartment in town and it turneth out to be a doghole, what did’st thou expect?” And so it came to pass that Morvan left his home where he had resided for several years and journeyed to Curacao for a week. And he was dismayed to find that it had been raining all day and the roads were flooded as though he had arrived by ark, and of course the wifi at the airport didn’t work properly, so he couldn’t Whatsapp the owner of the apartment, for roaming on his mobile phone cost more than the price of rubies and he was not made of money.

And although rain is not unknown in that island, being part of the Caribbean land of extremes, the taxi rank had been placed full twenty yards from the arrivals hall under open skies and lashing precipitation.

So he enquired of the men who waited there, looking like they might be working men, and they pointed to a woman whom they said was a driver.

“Woman, wilt thou take me to this place with the wacky name?” he enquired.

And the woman nestled her ample chest against his elbow, as certain women are wont to do when seeking to gain advantage, and she looked at the address on his phone and said, “Verily, I have never heard of this apartment, and I have lived here forty years.” Well, you must have been twenty when you arrived, Morvan thought, but said not a word, for in a strange land in the middle of a downpour the taxi driver is king, or indeed, in this enlightened age, queen.

“You’ve never heard of Ferdinand Straat?” he lamented with a careful tinge of disdain in his voice.

“And thou art a taxi driver?” And the man who had pointed her out, knowing that she was an awkward sod, stepped in and bade him approach the yellow minibus across the way, where he might find a wise man who knew his job.

It turned out that the man did indeed know where Ferdinand Straat was, but Morvan tested him, as one is advised to do, asking only, “How much will this cost?” “Thirty dollars,” the man said.

“Thirty US?” spluttered Morvan, almost choking on a piece of airline cheese roll that lurked in his teeth.

“Tis there on the map on yonder sign,” said the driver, indicating a painted metal sheet bearing details of areas of the island and how much it cost to get there.

And Morvan, being a godly man, suppressed the urge to make some crack about rich taxi drivers, for indeed this driver seemed humble enough, and they made off through the rain along roads where the cactus has been joined by the street sign and the speed warning.

On arriving at the apartment, driving the wrong way down a narrow one-way street, the driver cast Morvan out into the rain, leaving him to pound on doors and ring bells, for the tiny place seemed deserted and there was no shelter.

But eventually the grinning wise-guy who owned the apartment appeared and ushered him into a room with a bare concrete floor and two large, gnarled wicker chairs, for this was the “lounge” area.

No air conditioning, but that did exist in the bedroom, where, after demonstrating that it worked, the apartment owner drew his attention to an apparatus on the wall, which looked like a large mobile phone but was in fact the very latest in electricity meters, which he cheerfully admitted made him a bit of extra money on top of the rent.

“Some people just want to stay in here all day with the airco on,” he explained, establishing that he was no fool and hadn’t been put on this earth to make people happy at his own expense.

And when the man had left, Morvan hastened to the nearest little Chinese supermarket and did purchase a tin of chilli beans and some bread, and a small bottle of rum because the wine looked deadly and was expensive.

And he ate of the beans and drank of the rum and slept the sleep of those who have been awake since three in the morning and travelled many hours by road and by air.

And he awoke in the morning and praised the Lord, for he had come through a difficult day and night uns c a t h e d and could now go and have breakfast down by the water