Changing lenses of domestic violence

Women have to feel like they are not alone –Salma Hayek AS THE world gets ready to commemorate International Women’s Day tomorrow, there still looms some level of darkness in relation to domestic violence. There have been numerous knee-bending calls from many, as well as possible solutions to eliminate this scourge.

Effectively assessing the circumstances of domestic violence requires an acute understanding of both the perpetrators as well as the victims. Though offenders have been profiled on the basis of specific characteristics including low self-confidence, authoritative, hasty, being self-centred and insecure, there is a missing link to which little attention is paid –that is poor parenting and poor socialisation.

Despite the fact that a typical perpetrator’s profile is merited, tons of research studies have shown that one’s adulthood is a reflection of how that individual was socialised as a child, which also includes the environmental flaws to which they may have been exposed.

Therefore, the profile which has been aligned to perpetrators is in fact made up of secondary characteristics that have emerged as a result of their childhood orientation.

Admittedly, it is indeed a challenge to change the mindsets of men over 35, as therapeutic sessions must be consistent if positive outcomes are expected.

Hence, looking beyond for solutions must begin by looking again at the way in which males are socialised from childhood, and their associations, as well as the domestic conditions that they are exposed to.

In a research study currently being undertaken by the IWRN aimed at unearthing the factors that propel men towards becoming violent, of the 20 men interviewed thus far, 11 have admitted that they were never showered with love as children, nor taught how to love and appreciate others.

Though the research contains some other confidential pieces of data, it is clear that the link of love between birth and adolescence has been fractured in some instances, which to a large extent explains the existence of insecurity issues that contribute to domestic violence. This research is deemed a game-changer as it demonstrates that situations involving domestic violence must be addressed holistically with the focus on both victim and perpetrator.

The approach to nurturing and socialising males needs to be revisited with some measure of urgency, which may also require equipping parents with new coping skills and techniques; this would be an excellent start in minimising further occurrences of broken communities and/or homes. Gears also need to change before any real solutions can be advanced.

Relationships must be viewed through different lenses, with both partners accepting responsibility for their actions and seeking help and/or counselling where necessary. The blame game must be shattered and reality must step in for the salvaging of any union. While those on the outside looking in may be willing to assist, affected individuals must be willing to start the process of change and healing.

Sandrine Rattan is a communications/ branding consultant, author and president of the International Women’s Resource Network (IWRN) Contact: thecorporatesuitett@ gmail.com or intlwomensresourcenetwork@ gmail.com