Dealing with difficult bosses

Dear AFETT,

How does one deal with a difficult manager who refuses to work with you? My manager has limited people skills and is a not a team builder. She is not willing to work with me in spite of my best efforts to work with her, and as a core member of her team, I suffer from lack of information among other problems. She actively sidetracks my projects through lengthy review times, yet I still perform my duties well and deliver results. I have been in the position for nearly two years and though my work is well regarded – even by others outside the organisation – she does not want to give me just credit. I feel she doesn’t like me and is threatened by my competence. I have discussed our relationship problems with our HR manager, my VP and company president, none of whom have taken any action. I would like to report her to the Board of the organisation for misconduct, however, I am wondering about the possible impact on my career. Would this be career suicide? What other options do I have? When should I consider legal action justified or appropriate? Help!

~ Extremely Frustrated

Dear Extremely Frustrated,

Nearly one third of all resignations are caused by poor manager–employee relationships, so your experience is by no means unique. But when you think about how much time one spends at work – approximately 76,800 hours in a lifetime of working, sometimes from age 20 to 60 – it is imperative that as many of those hours as possible are spent productively, not in anguish.

If the HR manager, VP and company president are aware of the issue but have not acted, then you are probably right in thinking that she is favoured, and going to the board would only make things worse for you, not her.

Quite frankly it sounds as if you have done all in your power to tackle the problem, and if you are not happy with the lack of resolution it seems there is little else to do but leave. However, if you choose to stay and fight it out, here are some tips that might help:

• Your manager is probably operating from her negative personality, rather than consciously trying to be difficult (yes there is a difference). She may not realise how harmful her actions are being, and that she is jeopardising her own success as well as that of others.

• This kind of behaviour usually masks deep insecurities and lack of self-esteem, so don’t get angry with her but try to help.

• Keep your own self esteem strong at all times. Don’t accept verbal abuse.

• Try to see things from her viewpoint rather than complaining or criticising. Ask questions all the time to try and discover why she is reacting in a certain way. As it seems that she is threatened by you and feeling insecure about her own job, which is manifesting itself in the destructive behaviour towards you, deal with it by reassuring her and supporting her. Turn the tables by being ?ber-positive.

• Don’t continue to push her as she will only get worse. If she seems to behave badly at specific times, for example close to deadlines or when under stress, then wait for a calmer moment to talk to her and discuss the issues.

• Consider asking HR to reassign you to a different department within the organisation.

• Legal action should really be the last resort, and I would not recommend it unless you have clear evidence of career sabotage including witnesses and written statements. If it is simply her word against yours, you may find yourself at the wrong end of the proverbial sharp stick.

If none of this works, then it really is time to look for another job.

Once you have resigned, insist on an exit interview and in the most constructive way possible, give honest and balanced feedback on why you are leaving. Recommend that the firm improve the manager’s leadership, communication and interpersonal skills through coaching and training.

With any luck both the organisation and manager will feel regret and vow to learn from their mistakes as they watch you and your talent walk out the door.

Good luck, AFETT.

AFETT is a not-for-profit organisation formed in 2002 with the goal of bringing together professional women and engaging in networking opportunities, professional training and business ideas. ASK AFETT is a column meant to address issues and concerns of professionals seeking advice to assist in progressing in their careers. Today’s response was written by AFETT member, Lara Quentrall- Thomas, founder of AFETT and chairman of Regency Recruitment & Resources Ltd. Learn more about AFETT at www.afett.com, search for AFETT Events on Facebook, follow us @AFETTEXECS on Twitter or contact us at 354-7130. Email us your career-related questions at admin.afett@gmail.com.