The impact of language on relationships

However, given the type of social challenges that have been knocking on the doors of the International Women’s Resource Network (IWRN), I feel compelled to again share with our readers the impact (positive and negative) of language on relationships.

Words are extremely powerful, and therefore, individuals must be ever cognizant about what is said to others – spouses, partners, work colleagues, parents, children and the list is endless. During our day-to-day work at the IWRN, we have been assisting couples in particular, to salvage their relationships by changing the language component.

For example, it is unhealthy to refer to your partner as your property as that type of referencing creates a psyche which says, that you own that person. Instead, partners need to view each other as individuals who require personal space and respect to effectively co-exist in healthy and sustainable relationships; such understanding also increases one’s ability to effectively address issues which may arise in the relationship. Another common statement “that is my child and nobody can tell me anything about my child;” that is indeed a poor approach to parenting as there is no argument that it is your child, but because we co-exist in a broader community we need to be more open-minded in thinking, so that children themselves and also parents, would be more receptive to disciplinary and corrective action where necessary.

The examples described above, are most common in influencing strained relations between intimate partners and parents/children.

Despite how strong these relationships may be, constant use of toxic words and/or statements (which are usually infused with abusive connotations), would continuously weaken the emotional links upon which these very relationships were created. The words used by ether party can either strengthen or worsen. Through research conducted by the IWRN, we have discovered that many different types of relationships exist physically only and are dead emotionally, and this is primarily due to the constant of use of toxic language and negative labelling.

Constantly referring to your child as stupid, dumb, slow, ugly is a recipe for hatred and emotional turbulence, as that child’s self-esteem and self-confidence will be tarnished. Instead of referring to your partner as fat, ugly, lazy or even a poor lover, offer support to assist him or her to engage in activities that would effectively treat with these challenges. This type of engagement has proven to be extremely successful, as the love between affected partners increases by volumes.

Insensitivity in relationships should be avoided at all times, particularly if you are to live by the philosophy – “treat others how you would like to be treated.” Here are some useful tips aimed at improving your choice of words in your relationships. Always speak to your partner privately particularly if you are in a group setting, and you feel the need to raise concerns about an issue.

Voice your negative opinions through soft questions that would allow your partner to have a broader view of the problem. This also helps understanding each other.

Always be respectful to your partner, especially in the presence of others. Don’t oppose for the sake of opposing, and avoid interrupting your partner in between a statement just because you think that they are not explaining something thoroughly. This type of behaviour diminishes your partner’s self-confidence.

Compliment your partner as much as you possibly can – it can be related to their support towards you, their personality or any other aspect of the relationship that you cherish.