Ma

MY CONCEPT of “mother” is seen through the lens of my own matriarchal upbringing, dominated by grandmother, mother and the women I called “auntie” out of respect. My uncle was there, and there were of course other male figures, but the women were “in charge.” They were the primary caregivers and made decisions about finances. But most of all, they were the ones who determined how the children were raised; the rules, discipline and behavioural structures and values that would be imparted.

The notion of mother is complicated.Regional authors have interrogated her influence, often against a post-colonial backdrop, and a search for sense of self — common themes in the 1950s, 60s and even the 1970s.

Merle Hodge’s Crick Crack Monkey examines the struggles of a young girl caught between the different class worlds of Tantie and Aunt Beatrice; contrasted with the safety she feels with her grandmother Ma. Ma Lammy, from Green Days, is a strong female figure, loving, focused on her family, but a person in her own right. Lamming’s In the Castle of my Skin begins and ends with the mother.

Our shared histories have produced variations of mother and, as birthing rituals of Hindu, Orisa, Christian and other communities show, she remains essential to keeping the family together.

However, the elders who shared those rituals lamented that these traditions are no longer the norm for our society. Interestingly, this week I had several experiences surrounding mothers that seem to support this.

One mother brought her little girl to dance class, but the child, who was around four years old, whined and terrorised her mother until the teacher decided to do the class with the child on her hip.

The mother was embarrassed and I thought back to my own childhood, where it never would even have occurred to me to disturb my grandmother or mother.

And even if I tried, a stern look or squeeze on the arm is all that it would have taken to dispel any thoughts of misbehaviour.

I remembered this incident while catching up with a male colleague after. He was clear that women and mothers are the driving force in the home and in matters of business. “Women are in charge,” he said. “They also have the ability to come together, much better than men, to get things done. Men are more destructive, they don’t know how to build. Their instinct is to destroy.” I’m not sure that I fully agree.

We no longer talk about post-colonial in the context of identity, family and social structure, but the truth is we’re still struggling to find ourselves. And as we search, the role of our mothers in advancing and stabilising our society is becoming more critical.

For me, the question is how do we reclaim that space previously occupied by women like my grandmother and the literary Ma who became symbols of what a mother should be? It is a complicated question, but I believe it is one to which we must urgently respond.

Dara Healy is a performance a r t - ist and founder of the N G O , the Ind i g e - n o u s Creative A r t s Network – ICAN