Romantic parasites

I’m single and unapologetic, no secret there and I’m unlikely to change my status until I _ nd what I’m looking for. I’m not bitter in the least either, just cautious. Except for he who has no name, I can’t complain that I’ve personally had bad experiences in relationships, in fact honestly, I’ve been treated very well by the men I’ve dated. Let me qualify what I mean when I say that; I was treated as an equal partner. I handled my finances and they handled theirs. I was wined and dined and I wined and dined my other half just as much. There was no taking advantage of the other financially. That makes the concept of financially supporting an adult male even more unacceptable to me. I have a duty as a mother to support my son, not someone else’s.

I really don’t think it right to involve my finances in my love life. I’ve observed a few relationships in which the male is financially dependent on his partner and to be quite frank if it works for them that is great. There’s nothing wrong with a woman being a primary breadwinner. Believe me I’m not stuck in traditional gender roles; I think a man can be a stay at home dad or a househusband, I’m not talking about those kinds of relationships. I’m talking about the ones where the man is in receipt of a decent, livable wage but still feels it is his right as a man to be taken care of by a woman.

I don’t think it’s fair to expect a woman in a relationship to be putting a roof over a man’s head, food on his plate, clothes on his back and service at night and the man has to… be breathing? Seems a little lopsided to me. The men that demand these things in relationships seem less like partners and more like parasites, and there’s medication for that.

Rather than aiming to become a partner, they are stricken with a bad case of ‘ gimme, gimme, gimme, get, get, get’. Before you go on the ‘ Well some women...’ rant, I disagree with either party, male or female, financially sponging off the other. I think somehow it’s worse when I see it in men, because they tend to know all about their ‘divine superiority’ over womankind but are depending on the same weaker sex for their sustenance. There’s a distinct lack of consistency here, wouldn’t you agree? Sadly, ladies, these un-evolved Neanderthals don’t come with a warning label stuck to their forehead.

I’m not painting with a broad brush here, since there are some circumstances that I can understand in which one individual in a relationship can become financially dependent on the other and that is ok. Unfortunately, I know of too many women that fall for parasites. One bought a car for her boyfriend and then was unceremoniously dumped; he’s driving around with his new girlfriend while she’s still in debt for the vehicle. A more common one: the guy purchases/ inherits a piece of land and the female builds the house but oops the land is only in his name, so it’s out the door for you and three months later he marries someone he ‘ just met’.

A new one is you both want to further yourself in life so you decide to go back to school, he will go first so you support him financially while he studies and when he’s finished, he’ll earn more money so then you will get married and you can go to school and he’ll support you, except he decides he wants to be with someone else when it’s your turn. Would you believe it, every single one of those scenarios happened to someone I know? This is not about infidelity either, because I know of men that make unreasonable demands on their girlfriends/wives just to prove to their fellow xys that they can ‘hold down their stories’ and they ‘call the shots’.

I’m an adult and even though sometimes I do struggle financially (who doesn’t?), I don’t want a sugar daddy paying my bills. If I’m struggling and fall behind, I have family and friends to help me. It just makes me uncomfortable thinking someone I’m dating is keeping me afloat financially. I think the final cost might be more than I’m willing to pay.

On a side note, fellas don’t be trying to holler at me and ask me to buy you a drink when I’m liming with my friends (you’d be surprised how often that happens) and I don’t want you to buy me a drink either, I don’t know you and I can’t trust you didn’t slip something in it. I have a hot mouth and a bad attitude, I can guarantee you it’s not going to go well.

When did relationships turn into this? Notice at no point did I say there are no good men left, I have male friends that I have seen navigate the dating world and subsequently marry while treating the women around them honourably. It’s not that hard, a conscious decision is all it takes to deal fairly with the other sex.

Women, if you find yourself making a monthly budget that includes the expenses of maintaining your boyfriend, you officially have got yourself a romantic parasite. Time to close your purse and take worm medicine.