The wrath of embarrassment

THOUGH it is a regular complaint and/or concern from some of our clients at the International Women’s Resource Network, many of us have been administered with varying doses of embarrassment, some through our own actions or by others who felt it necessary to inflict such pain towards us at that given moment. In my recent features, I have shared the severity of the impact of negatives emotions, and embarrassment falls into that group.

Research studies have shown, that embarrassing experiences put into perspective, one’s failure to conform according to particular social standards and expectations, and therefore, it is extremely important to have a clear understanding of the cultural norms and values of communities and other social spaces, as embarrassment usually occurs in relation to other individuals.

In most instances, embarrassment emanates from fortuitous behaviours with the potential to cause someone to feel negative about themselves. Because of negative connotations, one has to be careful in attempting to embarrass another, as depending on the severity, can trigger further negative reactions from the victims.

For example, if a child is embarrassed by either an adult or even another child, that child immediately removes itself from public spaces and immediately hibernates until some time has passed, or if possible, may avoid contact with the person who created the embarrassing moment? I have always stated in previous pieces, that no individual is perfect.

Mistakes will be made; therefore, creating a mindset to effectively manage embarrassing situations, requires individuals to begin developing standards and expectations that are realistic and achievable.

This immediately removes the fear of embarrassment.

One also has to be cognisant of the fact, that the selfgrowth acquired from failures and mistakes, make a huge difference in the way we think and co-exist, leaving little or no room for embarrassment.

Understand that you are your biggest critic.

Despite the fact that others will criticise you and perhaps judge you, it is critically important for you to continuously introspect and identify the elements in your action which need to be fixed.

Remember, though others may be empathetic towards you, they themselves are caught up in their own situations, and would be unable to provide their undivided attention Because of the fluidity of life, embarrassment is considered to be inevitable, so start creating your anti-embarrassment mechanisms which would be extremely useful as you navigate through the seas of life.

Begin by minimising your expectations, meaning that there would be some room for mistakes.

I would again repeat that your expectations must be pegged to your own value system and not to someone else’s; your affirmation should be, “it’s perfectly okay to fail, as long I grow and learn from this experience.” Embarrassment is characterised by the fear of uncertainty and criticism, and so, it’s important to learn and develop coping strategies to handle such situations with the potential to embarrass you.

Work on strengthening your self-confidence as the greater your confidence levels, the less likely you are to feel embarrassed, and you would also be in a better position to treat with such issues.

The more knowledge you acquire, the more confidence you gain.

When faced with embarrassing situations, do not respond defensively, as emotional outbursts only fuel more negativity. Instead, manage and control your emotions, be open to criticisms and possibilities, and keep a cool mind.

Keep in mind that embarrassing moments will come and so they will go. Avoid dwelling on what happened; instead identify lessons learnt, move on and continue to grow and succeed! To obtain a copy of the book With Women in Mind call 283-0318 or 795-9531.

Sandrine Rattan is a communications/ branding consultant, author and president of the International Women’s Resource Network (IWRN) contact: thecorporatesuitett@ gmail.com or intlwomensresourcenetwork@ gm