Let’s talk sex ed .... again

If properly implemented, comprehensive sex education will involve teaching students about the human sexual anatomy, sexual health, responsibilities associated with sex and reproduction, the concept of abstinence, methods of birth control and a variety of other lessons involving human sexual behaviour. All this with a goal of helping young people to gain a positive view of sexuality and to arm them with developmentally appropriate knowledge and skills so that they can make healthy decisions about their sex lives now and in the future.

I am all for it! Even before I was a parent I was part of the ‘for’ group, moreso now. Not that I think it is the sole responsibility of the education system to enlighten my child about sex and his sexuality. But I see it as something that can make an uncomfortable discussion with my almost eight-year-old a whole lot easier with the help of trained professional. And by “trained professional” I don’t mean the average teacher. There are a number of university-trained sex educators out there who will not turn down a contract, especially in this guava season, to impart their wealth of sexual knowledge in an age-appropriate manner to the nation’s students.

Additionally, numerous studies have shown that children who are exposed to “proper” sex education are less likely to fall prey to sexual abuse, teenage pregnancies, or contract Sexual Transmitted Diseases.

If you think of it, what are the alternatives? A teacher who is not trained to teach sex education? The Internet? One of your child’s peers passing on what they learn through God knows what medium? I have had experience with the latter, and trust me you don’t want your child’s sex and sexuality education going down that road.

From an early age, I have tried to teach my son about sex in stages, laying the foundation for the discussions on how the act is actually performed. He has learnt about body parts, that sex is for procreation (too difficult to talk about the pleasure just yet), sperm fertilising eggs, how most babies make their grand entrance into the world through their mother’s vaginas (which elicited an “ewwwwww, but I knew it!”). However, I never really went into what happens leading up to how the sperm gets into the woman’s body to fertilise the eggs – the sexual act itself. As far as he was concerned, a man just stood really close to a woman and the sperm found its way to the egg. Prior to that he used to encourage me to “eat a lot so your belly could get big and you could have a baby.” That was good enough for me until I felt he was old enough to know better.

Well that intention ended abruptly when another almost-eight-year-old from his class took to drawing and labelling explicit sexual acts in my boy’s drawing book. I’m the type of parent who looks through every book to see how he is progressing at school – yes even the drawing book. I felt a chill when I saw sketches of a man and a woman in the shower, their private parts prominently displayed and labelled, with a line that read “sex” running from the vagina to the penis. An identified “bra” was lying on the floor next to the shower. And that was just one of a quite a few illustrations.

I must admit I was horrified until I really took notice of the quality of the drawings. That kid has talent! Relief set in when I realised this could not have possibly been my son’s work, for at his age he still draws stick men and women – something he clearly inherited from me. And the images were so NEATLY labelled. Again, definitely not my son’s work. Remember my complaint about his handwriting a few weeks ago? Well not much has changed since then. But I digress.

When I asked him who had drawn in his book, my tone alerted him that all was not right and he started interrogating me about the meanings of the illustrations. Long story short, I raised the issue with his teacher, who in turn spoke with the boy’s parents. And although I haven’t found the appropriate way to explain the sexual act to my child, I know I have to deal with it in the very near future. A trained sex educator could have taken so much of the “uncomfortable” from that situation (hint, hint Mr Education Minister).

In this technological age children are over exposed to an overwhelming number of hyper sexual messages – visual and audio – which, if they are not properly schooled about sex and the many issues surrounding it can lead them down a dangerous path. And let’s face it, like it or not we, our religious or moral persuasions cannot prevent them from having sex if they want to.

According to a study carried out by the Kinsey Institute, California State University, the average American male loses his virginity at around age 16, while females do so at around 17. And you know what they say about America sneezing. Isn’t it better to afford our children the opportunity to make well- informed choices, and responsible decisions? I want my son to grow up to be a man who is comfortable in his own sexual skin. At the rate he is going he may still not be able to draw or write all that well, but at least his physical, mental, social and emotional sexual experiences are more likely to be healthy ones.