BLAME It is always somebody else's fault

In a certain Asian country, for which I have great affection, the president is caught up in a ‘scandal’. People in the nation are upset that an unelected individual may have had access to classified government documents and protests ensued. So the president bowed her head and apologised to the nation, for causing her people distress and confusion. To be honest, the last time I laughed so hard was at the Dave Chappelle sketch about the late great Prince. I wasn’t laughing at her, rather I was laughing at the thought of a local politician doing the same. While many of our leaders have done much worse, no apologies have been forthcoming.

Mr Imbert’s recent unreserved apology aside, can you imagine a local politician (outside of Parliamentary privilege) apologising to the nation for something they’ve done? Right. That will never happen. I’d love to be wrong about this but history shows we have been led by a series of wrong and strong individuals. Keep in mind, no one has any evidence saying the president stole money or anything like that. Nope, it’s a long-time friend who seems to have pulled some strings and done something not too kosher, but she remained just a little too close to the president when she came into office. I started to think back to episodes of blatant wrongdoing and abuse of office by individuals in Trinidad. Have we ever once gotten a genuine apology as a people? In all my years, I’ve never witnessed it.

I do remember two occasions where calypsonians, when proven right, called for apologies from their most vocal detractors. The first was the Mighty Midget Cro-Cro in 1995 when he sang about corruption in Common Entrance. The other was Bodyguard in his 2014 composition False Papers, which asked for an apology for certain blanket statements made about Afro- Trinidadians. Neither one got a single apology. This is not just about politicians either; in Trinidad the culture is to shift the blame and point the finger at someone else.

About a year ago I paid my Internet and phone bill online, long before the bill was due. However, this was never registered by the company and despite repeated calls about the matter it remained un-rectified. I carried in the evidence it had been paid and the charge continued to turn up on my bill and incurred late fees. I even received phone calls from my service provider reminding me that my account was in arrears. After nine months, I’d had enough and was unwilling to waste time speaking to yet another ineffective supervisor, so I filed a complaint with the Telecommunications Authority. The pleasant young lady who dealt with my complaint asked me what I would like from the company to resolve my issue. I told her I would like a refund and an apology, at which point she laughed.

She wasn’t being mean, she was just being real. In the end the issue was resolved and the late fees I’d been paying were refunded. No apology was forthcoming.

Has the company learned the error of their ways? Of course not. Now I get phone calls before my bill becomes overdue, reminding me about it and this month I got a letter from the company’s collections department reminding me of my bill, before the bill was overdue and after I’d already paid. It’s abundantly clear they don’t want me as a customer.

I think it’s easier to soar through the clouds riding a unicorn with a rainbow striped mane than it is to get an apology in this country. Why? We know it’s good manners to humble ourselves when we are wrong and say we are sorry. We sit warming pews in religious services, then when it’s over we leave and do exactly the opposite of what we say we believe. We are not responsible as individuals, as institutions or as a nation. It is always somebody else’s fault and we wash our hands of the matter. We are guilty as sin and caught red handed doing wrong but we start lying through our teeth and point our finger somewhere else at somebody else, and try to take the heat off of ourselves, never admitting our guilt.

In our institutions files disappear, or reports go missing or a gag order is put on staff, so our institutions are not responsible either. The song and dance routine they deliver is worthy of a Carnival fete. Then we pat ourselves on the back and say we are good people and things working well in the nation.

I saw on the news a large sinkhole opened in a city in Japan. Some men were working on a subway tunnel and it seems water began to rush in and caused a section of the tunnel to collapse. In the press conference the higher ups in the company doing the work, briefed the public on the incident and the three men got up and apologised for the inconvenience the incident has caused the people of the city. Imagine something that was beyond their control, and they apologised for it. I realised saying sorry is not about admitting wrong doing, that’s the least of it. When someone takes responsibility and says sorry, it means ‘I acknowledge you are hurt and I understand my actions have caused you inconvenience/ hurt/ confusion/ has affected your business or maybe even your life negatively’.

It doesn’t fix things, there is still hurt/ pain/ confusion/ negative fallout, but it is acknowledged and that makes it somehow a little more bearable.

The politicians in Trinidad seem to be six of one and half a dozen of the other, but as much as they try to set themselves apart from the others, there is one thing they all have in common; nobody says sorry. I don’t have a problem saying sorry, even to my five-year-old, so why is it so difficult? Those kinds of experiences in life make you more cognisant and considerate of others. Being held accountable can build character and make you a better person. While bowing and showing deference to others is not a part of our culture, we could stand to learn a thing or two about the power of genuinely saying sorry. Before there can be forgiveness there must be an apology.

As the embattled president found out the hard way, an insincere apology only enrages people further. The tone in the country went from upset, to angry, to damn vex in a single week.

So I won’t hold my breath waiting for an apology when I am affected by the actions of others. That is one of the less attractive characteristics of Trinidadians. So while I notice the Office of the Attorney General has pursued legal action before the courts against some individuals and I commend it, I would have been happier with a refund and an apology. But that’s just me, now I’ll be heading up the islands on my pet unicorn, Polaris.