What Flaws?

Harnaam has learned to love and embrace her “lady beard” and she has transformed it into one of her biggest calling cards. While my own personal experiences aren’t nearly as tumultuous as Harnaam’s, my own childhood labels of being “too chatty”, I assume was meant to help me be a better student by talking less, even though I always came first in my class tests! Go figure, right! My report books would have the expected “she is a great student, a hard worker” blah blah blah but they would always include “but she talks too much”. So the “hushes” began, from my teachers and at home, all in an effort for me to “control” my voice.

But a loud voice can never be quieted for too long, especially a loud voice that belongs to a writer.

Somehow, I found a way and the writer in me emerged. If I couldn’t be vocally loud in class, I could make my written words shout from the top of San Fernando Hill if that’s what I wanted to do - on paper.

Of course, in my adult years, the progression of my career naturally led me to broadcast media where my voice was now heard by tens of thousands of people, while getting paid actual money to yup, talk! The Girlfriends this week focus on inspiring you to find strength among your own perceived flaws or weaknesses.

Staci: What are some flaws” people may have ever pointed out to you in your life that you turned around and made into an asset? I think we need something positive and inspirational for the women of TT this week, something that can motivate them to find their strengths among their own perceived “weaknesses”. Like Barbara Streisand (yes meh age showing) always talks about Hollywood big wigs wanting her to “fix” her nose, and her in turn refusing. Now her nose is probably just as legendary as she is! Katherine: Love this topic!

Mel: For me, it was knowing the answer to everything and it’s funny that we have this topic because last weekend I finally cleared out my Mummy’s stuff from her house. Two things I took - my writing desk where I did all my work and my set of encyclopaedias. In south, we had no cable, no phone; TV service was mostly crap, so all I had was my books; dolls yeah but books. I wanted to play with the boys but always got told that I needed to be more of a girl. I refused and turned to my books.
If you read encyclopaedias like novels, you will get a grasp of, well, everything and that’s what I loved to do. But my teachers never nurtured my curiosity.

And it’s not that I’m smarter than anyone else, I just sought the information. Fast forward to today, that curiosity and know-it-all attitude, has manifested itself in me being able to find any answer on my own - come what may. I feel unstoppable because they tried to stop me when instead my teachers should have nurtured me. But I nurtured it on its own…

Tats: You mean like when I was little everyone used to tease me about my big bamcee and now decades later everyone wants one like it and paying plastic surgeon big money for it? Like that you mean?

Staci: Umm Tats, I guess we could take that as an example too, lol.

Tamz: Hmmm, flaws. Well I got teased about my big boobs, my height, my hair, you name it. I guess tease is a stretch because I never cared what people had to say, even growing up. As far as I’m concerned I’m perfectly imperfect. I’ve gained a lot of weight, I have stretch marks over my entire stomach and I’ve embraced everything that people consider flaws. They’re mine and I love them. I think I’m pretty and I’m a good friend, a great girlfriend, a present and loving mother, a daughter that makes my parents proud and I own my own beauty spa which I love. My nose big but it’s mine. I’m armpit level tall and it isn’t fun in a fete but it’s me and if people have a problem and feel the need to point out flaws, then they just need to realise nobody is perfect to anybody else... unless you are Justin Bieber of course.

Ronz: I was typically - as in every report cardtold that I was bright, capable, could do so much more if I applied myself, that I was too talkative and that I socialised too much during work times.
I probably could apply myself more today but being chatty, social and generally interested in other people led me straight into my counselling career and has made talking to people and facilitating groups quite comfortable and effortless.
“Flaws” are so subjective and often end up being the characteristics that helps us find our way in life. Teachers should definitely do more to direct kids towards productive outlets for their “flawed” behaviours. Give “bossy” kids opportunities to lead and learn about leadership. Let “chatty” kids help with lessons and things like that. Whatever positive outlet they can find to harness and develop some of these “flaws”. That approach seems way more effective and affirming than telling children something about them is wrong.

Tamz: In school I was always doing somebody’s hair, nails, waxing, anything beauty related really. I used to get into trouble for having my nails done. Sometimes in our free periods there would be a waxing line where everybody that wanted to wax would bring a Sally Henson wax strip kit and I’ll be in the middle waxing legs and eyebrows and upper lips in the nun’s and dem classroom… to think that I would make a successful career doing the same things that got me detention in high school, wow, look at me now! The Girlfriends is a group of 15 women between the ages of 26 - 45 who are willing to give an unadulterated look into their own experiences.

Some names have been changed for privacy.