When chivalry comes alive

Am I overthinking the roles and rules of roles?” This was the first email that greeted me at 6 am on the eve of International Women’s Day. The question is an extremely pertinent one, in that it presents a unique challenge where the protagonist [main player] questions both roles and rules. The role being questioned is the difference between team member and team leader, whereas the rules being questioned applies to the application of etiquette within the workplace and between genders.

Chivalry, according to Wikipedia or the chivalry code, is a code of conduct associated with the medieval institution of knighthood which developed between 1170 and 1220.

The more modern origins were adapted to include various codes of conduct of gallantry, courtesy and honour, and the demonstration of these qualities.

Based on the scenario presented, it is important to understand a number of dynamics. The first being obtaining an appreciation of the corporate culture within which persons operate. One suggestion to assist with the appreciation of corporate roles is the undertaking of Gender Sensitivity Training.

This form of training is becoming more and more imperative within the corporate structures as it is important for employees to understand the corporate culture within which they may operate, as well as to provide an opportunity to explore what is acceptable behaviour for the environment. The thing is, what may be perceived as acceptable and proper behaviour to one employee may be construed as intrusive and disrespectful to another employee, hence the need to explore and clarify these positions.

Developing an understanding of the culture within which one operates is an extremely valuable tool. In some cultures, it may be acceptable and even expected for men to demonstrate that they are ‘gentlemen’ by acting in such a manner, where they are expected to open doors, and allow women to exit and enter rooms before they do. However, there are other cultures and situations where this is completely the reverse and such actions may be deemed as an affront to power position. Hence, it is important to err on the side of knowledge of the culture within which you operate, both organisational and general.

For example, if someone were to express a compliment to another, how would that compliment be received? The variables include, tone, location, reason for compliment, manner of compliment, among other variables, as far too often, many persons simply do not understand the difference between compliment and ‘catcall’.

One of the very important indicators we often take for granted are the verbal and non-verbal cues provided in every interaction. The body language of others provides 90-98% of the communication cues we often take for granted. In the scenario presented, if the eager employee were to take but a few moments to assess the body language of the senior employee, he would note that his actions, and attempts to be gentlemanly, are being construed as intrusive. As such, sometimes we need to place more emphasis on assessing and appreciating non-spoken cues, as we can glean very important interactionbased details.

Asserting oneself can be undertaken without causing an affront. Such selfassertion can be practiced in many forms, including the use of both verbal and non-verbal cues. A simple, “Thank you, however I’ve got it”, can send your message without causing offense.

Communication is indeed an art and science, and understanding how to communicate effectively provides a solid framework for strengthening interpersonal relationships, both within and outside of the corporate structure.