Saying yes but meaning no

NO and yes are two simple words which often mean different things to different people and sometimes result in unfortunate outcomes. Why can’t we be true when we say either? Over the years, I have been observing how people manipulate and swing their no and yes responses, in an effort to present varying sides to their personality.

Research studies coupled with my own observations show that one of the main reasons for the yes and no dissonance has to do with a need by many for approval from others.

I have said in many of the pieces in this very column, that your life is yours and yours only, and therefore, seeking validation from others must never exist. Seeking validation from others on how to live your life is a recipe for misery, frustration and deception.

Continuing down a path of saying yes to everything without clear thought and analysis, is a sign of weakness and also an indication of low self-esteem and self-confidence. I have always intimated true yes and no responses and remain committed and responsible for the outcomes of those responses, sometimes at the detriment of losing favour from others and that’s ok but the reality remains, that your conscience would be clear and comforted by your response.

Mixing yes and no responses also shows that your obligation is greater towards others and less towards yourself; unfortunately, this characteristic is also indicative of the need by many to be liked and remain in good graces with others. Whilst wanting to be liked by others is not necessarily a bad thing, it becomes a serious issue when your value and worth are dependent on what others think about you.

The yes-no syndrome has huge amounts of power, but when that power is abused to the extent that your worth is sacrificed, or you become deceptive or even attempt to incriminate others, the interchange poses challenges. Your communication also becomes tainted and your life also appears to be confused. It’s best to continuously maintain an open mind when faced with situations and challenges both in your personal and professional space and just be honest in your responses…keeping in mind that your responses would not always be pleasing to everyone, but always remember that your credibility and context of the situation are far more important than the pleasing people element in the equation.

Meaning yes when you say yes, and meaning no when you say no, can only be real when you are real to yourself.

Sandrine Rattan is a communications/ branding consultant, author and president of the International Women’s Resource Network (IWRN) Contact: thecorporatesuitett@ gmail.com or intlwomensresourcenetwork@ gmail.com or contact 283-0318.