Beg pardon

It is incredible the impact that two words can have. Once uttered, they have the ability to change a volatile situation into one where dialogue is possible. Left unsaid, the absence of these two words can create serious problems, causing situations to escalate from indignation, to anger and finally all-out war.

Apparently, these two words could have saved us from a potentially destabilising scenario in our judicial system, already fraught with undesirable levels of delays, incompetence and justice denied.

Senior Counsel Martin Daly was very clear on the decision by the Law Association over how the Chief Justice and the Judicial and Legal Service Commission handled the appointment of Chief Magistrate Marcia Ayers-Caesar. “If you have a blunder, you must accept responsibility.

One of the things that was raised was the fact that there was no apology, or as I like to say, a beg pardon. I believe that told against them and people felt that they had been disrespected.” In the world of international customer service, research has shown that almost 50 percent of customers who feel wronged by an organisation would be willing to forgive a faux pas if they received an apology. As a result, organisations that admit they have erred in their behaviour are more likely to avoid having customers leave or badmouth them to potential clients, thus protecting their business.

In diplomatic relations between sovereign nation states, or in interactions between governments and groups, an apology is often an essential component of ensuring stability. Similarly, in personal relationships, an apology can defuse a tense situation, and prevent further deterioration in communication.

Apologising can actually create a physiological response in us.

That is, we are affected mentally and even physically by a simple apology. The key is in the definition.

An apology is identified as “a written or spoken expression of one’s regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another.” This means that the person doing the apologising displays humility by admitting that he or she was wrong, at the same time acknowledging that the other person has a right to feel offended. Phrased another way, apologies convey respect for the views and feelings of the other person.

Further, an apology not only sends a clear signal that the wrongdoer has empathy for the wronged person, but it allows the other party to feel empathy for the wrongdoer as well. They can now begin to move past their anger at being insulted and start to see the point of view of the other person.

As Mark Matthews, American author, said, “Apologising does not always mean you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means you value your relationship more than your ego.” There is a difference between true and fake apologising. A true apology involves first the statement of regret, then taking responsibility for your actions and finally identifying how you intend to rectify the situation. Often, when people are accused of admitting their error just to get their way, it is because their apology lacks these stages.

However, the absence of an apology is just as bad.

Like how it hasn’t even occurred to various administrations to apologise for not creating permanent forms of recognition for cultural luminaries like dance pioneer Julia Edwards.

Apologies work, but they don’t always make sense. Like how after auntie Beryl Mc Burnie’s home was demolished, the man who did it and the people who ignored that it was happening said they were sorry.

But of course, by then the apology was too late.

D a r a Healy is a perform a n c e a r t i s t a n d founder of the N G O the Indigenous Creative Arts Network – ICAN