Bringing up children

Looking back on my adventures as a mother, here are the top ten pieces of advice I would offer parents.

1. Pay attention to diet: I was lucky enough to have a paediatric nurse as a neighbour when Ijanaya was born. She told me not to introduce sweet food like bananas as a first food. I followed her advice and curbed the sweets as my children grew up. Birthday parties had cake, but no other sweets. I cut out sugar as much as possible. My plan served them well.

2. Don’t make food an issue: There were no arguments over food in my house. When they had enough food, they could stop eating. They soon learned how much food to take so that they didn’t waste food. When it comes to food, I did something right because I broke the long chain of obesity that runs in most of my family.

3. Read: I read to my children every night before they went to bed. Reading is important for their imagination. It’s the foundation for their education.

4. Curb the television and avoid electronic devices: My children watched television for a limited time only on weekend evenings.

They had a tree house and a swing. Ijanaya had a doll house, dolls, books, and a tricycle. Zino had toy cars, toy dinosaurs, a fire truck that he pedalled around the gallery, and books.

They didn’t have a computer until Ijanaya was 12 and they didn’t have cell phones until they were teenagers. They used their imaginations — not electronic devices for entertainment. I never heard my children say they were bored.

5. Know pop culture and keep relevant: My children decided what music we listened to in the car, and I used their music as a study of their likes, dislikes and issues. We watched shows and movies together — even when they were teenagers. We stayed close through music and television.

6. Listen to your children: When I picked my children up from school, I always asked them about their day. “What happened today? What did you learn today?” I listened to the events that defined their day, and I respected their feelings.

7. Apologise every chance you get: I was a tired mother who sometimes snapped like a turtle, but I always apologised when I acted inappropriately. My children learned you can express feelings, and if you make a mistake, you own up to it.

8. Keep them in activities: Activities help children to be healthier, happier, less stressed out and more confident. Children must be well rounded. Structured activities help to keep children out of trouble. Make sure they choose the activities and enjoy them.

9. Create a sense of empathy: Talk to children about what is going on in their world and the world at large.

Help them to understand there are things they can do to make the world better from recycling to giving food to a homeless person.

Children must grow up with a sense of empathy.

10. Encourage children to follow their dreams: My children always knew there were many paths to success. They don’t have to be an engineer or doctor.

I learned that being a good parent wasn’t about being perfect.

It was about being open-minded and supportive at every stage of their lives.