Going solo

You’ve been relishing your date for dinner and a movie all week. You made the reservations at your favourite restaurant and have taken care of all the details for the theatre. As you head out the door, you know you look your best for your date for the evening — yourself.

This scenario would feel right at home to Wendy Burt and Erin Kindberg, co-authors of Oh, Solo Mia! The Hip Chick’s Guide to Fun for One. Their book of 125 activities to do solo is actually a useful tool for men, too. Just ask Cleveland Thorne. As a student at American Intercontinental University, Thorne, 35, credits spending a lot of time alone with helping him graduate with a 3.8 GPA.

Now, as a technical liaison for Open First, a Milwaukee-based imaging and print production company, he continues to spend more time alone than socialising at work to excel at his job.

“I use that time to think about how to better myself,” Thorne said. “In order to mature and develop, I need to be alone to do that.”

Though he maintains an active social life, Thorne said he often catches movies by himself. “Going out to dinner alone poses more of a challenge,” he admited.

And rightly so, considering how we are socialised to think that activities are more fun when there’s more than one person involved, said E Carol Webster, a clinical psychologist in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. “The fact that people need to be able to spend time alone is often overlooked because society places a premium on being a member of a group for everything,” said Webster. As a result, most people have trouble enjoying their own company. “That is not a good,” she added.

Spending time alone is inevitable and should be relished. Most people’s aversion to being solo, said Webster, dates back to childhood.

When parents see their children alone, for example, they tend to think something is wrong. Instead, said Webster, parents should recognise the benefits of quality, purposeful solo time, which she said helps develop a strong sense of self; the ability to effectively distinguish personal thoughts, feelings, and interests from those of others; the chance to problem-solve unconstrained; and an increased capacity to relax as a result of not feeling external pressures.

Outlined here are ways to increase your comfort in the solo zone:

1) Acknowledge that there is nothing wrong with spending time alone.

Solo time is a prerequisite of self-development and growth, not a sign of weakness or personal defect.

2) Make time for solo tasks a priority. Ease into it slowly by starting with quick tasks that don’t take a long time.

For instance, try eating breakfast or lunch alone, rather than sitting down to an elaborate dinner at a restaurant.

3) Use temporary crutches if necessary.

Bring reading material along to help ease alone time in public until you’re able to just sit and be with yourself and your thoughts and not feel anxious about being out alone.

4) Evaluate what was anxiety-provoking and what went better than expected.

Allow yourself room to fine-tune the parts that need work, and celebrate the things you did well.