We must be disciplined in order to discipline

THE EDITOR: There are serious discussions being bandied about in TT, as to whether children are receiving adequate punishment in our schools. The problems regarding discipline should not be placed on the shoulders of those persons managing our schools. The responsibility for the proper disciplining of our children is the sole responsibility of the parents. All the school gets is the finished product, after all; at the age of five, the child’s personality is already formed. One should also take genealogy into account, such as the (XX) chromosome factor; which is synonymous with aggressive behaviour. Just to illustrate my point, I witnessed a grandmother mistreating her granddaughter, who could not be more than five years old, to the dismay of everyone in the TSTT office where the incident occurred, but everyone including myself, remained tight-lipped, no one said anything. The bemused child in the confusion, said to her grandmother: “you cuffing me.” All the persons present, had that gaunt look on their faces and remained as though nothing bizarre was taking place. I ventured to intervene but held my ground, for fear of being told by the belligerent grandmother to mind my own business.

Unlike in the past, no one raised any cross-talk relating to the incident. We have now become what is known as a “Nation of Strangers.” Our overt detachment from what is going on around us is what has “boomeranged” and has now taken over the country much to the detriment of all of us in the form of acute social problems, such as senseless murders and kidnappings. It takes a village to rear a child. Now if someone had spoken up, which I had the inclination to do, but at the last moment decided not to by doing so I became a victim of “group think,” what would it have mattered if the grandmother had slapped my face and told me to mind my own business? My concern should have been for the child, who would have certainly felt at least someone had shown some empathy for her in her plight. Instead of having her believe that she was surrounded by people who were all like her grandmother, who thought it was alright to be cruel to children. It is one thing to be firm and fair with children, but it is unconscionable to be excessively harsh and brutal when disciplining them.
My grandmother was very firm regarding discipline, but above all things she was always fair and considerate.

In a situation such as this she would have reprimanded me with a well tempered scolding, instead of punching me around like a rag-doll. I am not advocating that we allow children to have their way, being rude, disrespectful and indisciplined; far from it. Dr Spock the famous US paediatrician, a self-proclaimed authority on the rearing of children, wrote a book exalting the importance of permissiveness, when dealing with children, only to come back sometime later with another book refuting all that he said in his previous book; calling it a great error and disservice on his part. His change of heart favoured discipline for children and he recommended that a good spanking, tempered with restraint and consideration for the child’s feelings to be most desirable. The most influential and controversial psychologist of our time B F Skinner in his book, Beyond Freedom and Dignity, quoted as follows: “More punishment than is necessary, may suppress desirable behaviour; while too little is wasteful if it has no effect at all.” One must understand the dilemma of the grandmother in question. Having been embarrassed by the child in the presence of strangers she was at a loss to determine how much punishment was necessary and to what degree. To put it bluntly; how much is too much?

In conclusion: It is my contention that if a child comes from a well-disciplined home, where the actions of the parents are “firm but fair,” it is not likely —I use the word “likely,” because human nature cannot be legislated, with any degree of certainty as to the outcome. As such, there is no guarantee. Consequently, we can only empathise with the grandmother in question, but the young, innocent, impressionable child should be our foremost concern bearing in mind that the intolerable behaviour of the child did not originate in the TSTT office on the day that the incident occurred. Prolonged, acceptable bad-behaviour is extremely difficult to change overnight if at all. Discipline cannot be administered; it can only be instilled. We must be disciplined in order to discipline our children, also bearing in mind that the way we live affects children for good or bad. Children are not influenced by what we say, but by what we do.

ULRIC GUY
Point Fortin