The win took Trident’s points tally for the 2017 National Championship Series to 3,332 to hand owner and throttleman Trevor Sun and driver Kern Coltes the prestigious “Best Boat of the Year” award.

Sheriff Lobo, who was in a close race with Trident all year, will be representing Trinidad and Tobago in the World Championships in Key West Florida in November.

It was a thrilling ending to the season which featured five regattas – Regatta One (January), Track Batteries Regatta (March), IRP Safety and Fire Regatta (April), GNC Regatta (May) and last week’s Oasis Premium Water Regatta.

Sun, 53 years old, has been racing for over 18 years and believes good preparation was the difference between his boat and the rest of the competition this year.

“We started early – like December last year – in terms of preparation and got all new equipment and the boat is also a brand new boat. We did things in an order and strategically and built everything from scratch. We finished early January, did our testing and were pleased with the results and we took it from there,” he said.

Sun, a mechanic, said having someone from the crew being the primary person in charge of fine-tuning and fixing gives them a decisive edge.

“I’m a mechanic also and I did the rigging and electrical on the boat so the expertise was inhouse.

It’s an advantage in that I don’t have to look for somebody and wait for them to come to do something, so that’s a definite advantage in saving time and labour cost.” Sun spoke glowingly of his boat’s chances of success next month at the Carib Great Race on August 19.

“Basically with the Regattas, I saw what most of the competition is like.

The only one I didn’t see was ‘Limitless’ who won last year in the 50mph class. That might be only serious challenger I have for this Great Race,” he said.

Trident is sponsored by K9 Security Method and Marine Consultants and was built by Calypso Marine Services Limited.

National Regatta Championships results
130 mph A Class: Ironman……………………………….2,021 points
95 mph D Class: Sheriff Lobo……………………………3,030 points
80 mph E Class: Outlaw……………………………………2,477 points
70 mph F Class: Fire Chief II…………………………….2,340 points
60 mph G Class: Trident……………………………………3,332 points

Steve Ram, owner of Yolisam Jewellers, posted the video of the robbery on Facebook.

Ram told Sunday Newsday that at 6pm, four people including two women entered the store. The women and one of the men distracted employees while the other man forced a showcase open and took out a tray of 71 male diamond rings valued at $518,000, put them in a bag and walked away.

Ram said the theft was discovered 20 minutes later when a customer came to look at something in the showcase. He said the police were called and they were there all evening on Friday and most of the day yesterday interviewing staff and checking the surveillance camera footage.

Ram said they have been robbed many times and last year there were two instances of people breaking the glass and stealing items. He said in the last two years there has been a downturn in the sale of luxury items.

“To come and get a loss of this magnitude, we really considering if to continue. Is it worth it to continue?” He said staff are traumatised and feel guilty although it is not their fault. He and his wife have had to console the employees include one that has been employed for the 25 years they have been located at Trincity Mall.

“It is very unfair to them.” Ram employs over 100 people and has eight stores throughout Trinidad. He is also the owner of Zina’s Jewellery.

He said that the robbery was “very well planned” and for it to occur, there must be a market for it.

“Somebody receiving this.

If the market is not there, you cannot wear 71 rings. Somebody is receiving these things and that is why it is encouraged.

Someone is benefiting, not only the person doing the crime.” Arouca CID and WPC Waldrop are investigating.

Minister in the Ministry of the Attorney General Stuart Young, at a press conference on Thursday, said the lawsuit was claiming bribery, breach of fiduciary duty and breach of contract against ten individuals including former HDC chairman Jearlean John and John Henckle Lall.

But speaking to reporters after the handing over of building materials to a Debe home-owner whose house had sustained damage in Tropical Storm Bret, Moonilal said government was prejudicing the matter in the public’s mind. “What we are witnessing here is raw, obscene political witch-hunting,” Moonilal said, adding, “I think it is improper for a minister of government to be in the public domain prosecuting a matter, as if he is in the court house, at a press conference and calling the names of public officers and insinuating conduct that is improper and pronouncing people to be guilty.

“This is unfair publicity to those persons whose names have been called. If they have evidence of any criminal wrongdoing they should take it to the police. And in this matter, I know there is no police involvement at all. it is a civil matter.” Speaking about the material distribution exercise, he said aid for the Oropouche community had arrived quicker from New York than from the government in Port of Spain.

“We are joining hands with an organisation in New York called Helping Hands. The diaspora in New York looked on with great concern with what happened in the aftermath of Tropical Storm Bret (and) they were extremely concerned about this area.

Helping Hands representative Ricardo Babulal said the scale of the destruction had been highlighted on the various social media platforms and efforts had been put in place to assist those communities which had been hardest hit by the storm.

Home-owner Wendy Deokie, of Wellington Road, Debe whose house had suffered partial roof damage, thanked the organisation for their help saying it would enable her to repair her damaged home. She was given materials such as ply wood and galvanize sheeting.

After all, we are talking about 12 per cent of the 18,357 who wrote the SEA. This means that over one out of every ten children didn’t cross 30 per cent, while, on the other hand, 13 per cent of those who wrote the SEA got over 90 per cent.

There are five serious issues here.

(1) While we know not all students will gain high marks, for an educational system to have such a significant proportion getting below 30 per cent in an examination with Mathematics, English Language and Creative Writing, it raises the issue of basic numeracy and literacy, especially since within this 30 per cent, many students, worse yet, get 10 per cent or less.

If you can’t read, write or do simple calculations at Standard Five, something seriously went wrong.

So this is not only about getting into a prestige school or not. This is more fundamentally about basic everyday coping. And in fact, regarding the United Nations Declaration on Children Rights, there is some injustice here.

(2) Given the academic demands at Form One in secondary school, this “30 per cent or less” group will find it a nightmare to move into Form One. Their frustration will grow, their self-esteem will be damaged, and their career pathway in serious jeopardy, unless sustainable remedial action is not properly and swiftly taken. There is also the concern of early stigmatisation. No doubt, this is of great worry to Education Ministers Anthony Garcia and Dr Lovell Francis. Mr Garcia pledged to two remedial options: one, to repeat the SEA with closer supervision, two, to proceed to secondary school with remedial teaching.

(3) Given the serious implications of educational inequity, and the responsibility to decrease the possibility of this 30 per cent horror happening again, the Trinidad and Tobago Unified Teachers Association and the Ministry of Education should collaborate in inquiring more deeply as to the causes behind this 30 per cent shocker. Is it the school, the teachers, parents or is that the affected children preferred doing something else? Is it some inherent psychological or physical challenge? Is it some or all of these? (4) It sounds nice to hear that a higher proportion of SEA students scored over 90 per cent this year compared to last year. However, that does not necessarily mean that more students will get into their school of choice (prestige). The places at the choice schools remain fairly constant, the same. There is bad news too. That is, this “below 30 per cent” group has always been a relatively large group over the years. For example, in 2009, it was 11 per cent (1973 students).

In 2013, it was nine per cent (1602 students). This year, 2017, it is 12 per cent (2170 students). Was any tracing oversight done to find out what happened, how these “below 30 per cent” students fared when placed in secondary school? Will that be done now? (5) Having 12 per cent of students making less than 30 per cent in the SEA does look horrible. A lot of tears here. Furthermore, when you look inside the numbers, you will find year after year, about 70 per cent of those falling below 30 per cent in the SEA are boys, while it is about 30 per cent of the girls falling below the 30 per cent mark.

So all in all, an educator’s insight would tell you that here is where a lot of the society’s socio-economic inequity begins. And quite likely ending up in crime and prison.

The vast majority of the “below 30 per cent” group are boys who, without friendly, restorative remedies would find secondary schooling quite frustrating. Their drift into anti-social behaviour would be quite tempting. In fact, our research found that almost all the young people now in prison and juvenile homes have been school dropouts or had incomplete schooling (Deosaran. Inequality, Crime and Education: Removing the Masks, 2016) All this amounts to one example of how the educational system of a post-colonial society unwittingly promotes social inequity, and leaves the doors open for youth deviance.

Serious collaborative action is urgently required to prevent this horror and its deleterious consequences

Then on July 2, 2016, Hazel Ann-Marie Manning’s world turned upside down when her love of almost 50 years, Patrick Augustus Mervyn Manning, died at the San Fernando General Hospital of acute myeloid leukaemia – a type of blood cancer – six weeks before his 70th birthday.

In a candid interview, Hazel Manning described the past year as one filled with “self-discoveries” in which she was able to “get out there and bravely do a number of things” which would have previously been done by her husband.

“Its’ been very difficult…its’ been a difficult year.

“You know you don’t realise it until he is not there, he would have done that and this would have happened and you now have to dive in and do a whole number of things,” she said, adding, “You just took for granted that this would be done and I remember the insurance guy say ‘You have any insurance?’ and I didn’t have a clue.” She also sorely misses the companionship that comes from over 40 years of marriage saying there was no one she could “seriously and genuinely” speak to about her concerns.

“You have to be careful who you talk to (and) what you say and (sometimes you) don’t even know if the response you’re getting back are the correct ones or they’re just being polite.” Asked what she remembers most about him, Manning said, “His laughter and how happy the house was. I remember the neighbours saying I don’t hear him. You would sit next door and you would hear him laughing whether he was on the phone, whether he was making jokes, he was that upbeat.

“He always had people visiting and there was always laughing and talking. He loved to entertain, he was very much a people’s person. He loved people.” She said her sons Brian and David had also been devastated by their father’s death. This has not only strengthened the family unit, but they have become very protective of her.

MY OWN BUSINESS They had also fully supported her when she launched her consultancy firm – The Leadership Firm – a few years before her husband’s death.

“When we were in Washington, one of the things they did, they said to me ‘You know you need to work out your own life’, and I think that was part of the therapy. And Patrick actually sat with me and worked it through,” she said, adding, “We did a lot of things, what to do, how to do this, etc. And as I started, he’s the one I went to most of the time and asked how to put this in place, ‘What you think I should do here?’ “In the setting up of it he gave a lot of advice and I think about four years ago I started my business and at this point in time, that’s what I do. There are about six of us involved and we do strategic planning, leadership (and) coaching. So we go into an organisation, we identify what the issues are and we coach where leadership is concerned,” she said as she shot down rumours of her possibly re-entering the public arena.

“There are different leadership styles and we show you how to work your style, identify team issues and show you how to work as a team. We don’t just do a plan, we help you implement a plan.” NOT AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN YET Asked whether this meant she was now an independent woman, she laughed before saying, “No, I have two sons who carry on as if they are my husband and father all in one.

“So I don’t know how independent I am. I still have to account to them, would you believe? (They would ask) ‘Where are you going?’ and I say ‘What on earth is this?’” she said, still chuckling.

“Overprotective.” So what about grandchildren? She again laughed before saying, “Those guys? I don’t know what happen to them….” And what about her health? “I am very well as far as I know.

It’s how you live life too. I exercise almost daily, check what I eat, I’m very positive, I’m not down, I take things in stride.

“Just not a whole lot of sugar and oil, eating near the farm as they would say, a lot of fresh things, not a whole lot of cakes and sweets and things like that.

And where we live there are all these hills. We walk along here almost daily, a group of us. Eating and exercise, that is my medicine.” HIS LEGACY And what would she say is her husband’s greatest legacy? “His desire for the development of Trinidad and Tobago so that Trinidad and Tobago can become, as he put it, a first world nation, meaning that it becomes more efficient (and) that people live a quality life. That was his desire. That people don’t have to suffer. They could have easily, as they do in developed countries, move from one area to the next – easy transportation, business done quickly, stay home and bank and shop, effective and quality living. “That was his desire and he was very much worried about disadvantaged people. Poverty didn’t have to be the be all and end all. How I then move you out of poverty and into another level (is what he was about).” And towards the end of his life, she said her husband dove deeper into the Bible. “He knew this day was coming. He was always religious.

He would read his Bible three, four times a day. He would discuss a lot about the Bible. He upgraded the home and, in hindsight, he was preparing us for what would happen.”

This is a man who has never learned the basic social skill of agreeing with people, making them feel good about themselves.

He is first and foremost a businessman and there’s an old saying in that game: you don’t go into business to be popular. Maybe not, but surely not many of us actually enjoy being disliked. Donald Trump doesn’t seem to care – in fact it sometimes seems he feels that he isn’t doing his job unless he’s upsetting, disappointing, alienating or offending someone.

It’s like a one-man siege mentality: nobody likes me, so I must be doing something right. Sir Alec Ferguson instilled that attitude into his wildly successful Manchester United teams, and Jose Mourinho went down the same route at Chelsea until he lost focus and alienated his own team and his support staff too, whereupon he was quickly removed from his previously impregnable position.

Whether the same will happen to Trump remains to be seen, but if it were to happen you can bet he would make it very damaging and highly unpleasant.

Some people have a simple knack of being popular, and whether this is due to natural charisma and an innate ability to do and say the right thing or the very different and less admirable implementation of public relations strategies in all aspects of their dealings with people, they tend to rise to prominence ahead of perhaps more deserving candidates who just don’t smile as much.

Politics is the most obvious field where popularity is a make-orbreak quality. It is clearly apparent in the result of the recent UK general election, which showed that Theresa May didn’t realize how disliked she was, nor how many people would rather be governed by the limp hand of Jeremy Corbyn and his bumbling sidekick Diane Abbott. Corbyn is popular with the public, but he’s not so highly regarded by his fellow MPs.

May apparently saw herself as the heir to Margaret Thatcher’s crown as the sort of woman who could sweep the crowds along with her through sheer force of personality, even if deep down they wouldn’t want to be married to her.

Well, now she knows, and the country is in a parlous state largely because of her.

As for Trinidad and Tobago, which currently comes down to Rowley versus Kamla – it’s a classic case of the opposition always shouting loudest. With the political parties here substantially split on a racial as well as a political basis, Persad-Bissessar’s lot are the aggrieved ones right now, and as popular as Dr Rowley might be within his own circles, he is suffering the fate of all successful politicians: being vilified by the competition.

If you ask around for the most unpopular person in TT , the name Peter Crouch comes up, because of the lanky former England footballer’s goal against the Soca Warriors in the 2006 World Cup, which was achieved by climbing all over defender and now Minister for Sport Brent Sancho. But sporting bad guys are like pantomime villains, and anyone who gets excessively worked up about such things obviously has never had anything really terrible happen in their life.

Top of the international “hate lists”, as the unpopularity polls are known because hate is a more powerful word, is usually someone like Adolf Hitler, with other notorious murderous leaders such as Stalin, Mussolini and Pol Pot thrown in.

And then, depending on who did the poll (or made it up off the top of their head) and where they live, you’ll get the facetious nominations of Justin Timberlake and assorted American celebrities you’ve never heard of.

Kanye West is probably the most unpopular global character who is, paradoxically, also one of the most adored and a high achiever in a field where the only measurement is the amount of money the public spends on someone’s work. And guess who West supported in the US presidential election. Yes, the man with the quiff and the surly demeanour.

Why would a spectacularly wealthy rapper whose music sells by the megaton hitch his wagon to the most controversial American politician there has ever been? Could it be that he sees something of himself in Trump? The subsequent climbdown in which he sought to distance himself from the Republican figurehead was surely at the insistence of his publicist and perhaps his lawyers.

Don’t rule out the possibility of Kanye West as a presidential candidate eventually — and that would mean (as things stand, anyway), a First Lady called Kardashian, who would sell the filming rights for the inauguration ceremony to Hello! magazine.

And just as our country’s head of state ironically coined the phrase on the back of his own rum-shop logic, so too did the head of the government as he attempted to justify his decision to return Marlene McDonald to our parliament.

According to PM Dr Keith Rowley, his decision was based on his assumption that the Integrity Commission — a body in which he has openly declared his vote of no confidence — is playing politics with an ongoing investigation into the dealings of Marlene McDonald.

Dr Rowley “came to a conclusion” because McDonald had already been “exonerated” for her alleged roles in facilitating some alleged wrongdoing regarding the Calabar Foundation, approving an unusually high salary payment to a worker at her constituency office, whom we also discovered received a house from the Housing Development Corporation under curious circumstances.

In a nutshell, Dr Rowley’s logic is that if the Integrity Commission agrees that McDonald is not guilty of any of the charges, she deserves to be reinstated, but it is not that simple for someone in public life.

The fact is that whether or not McDonald is deemed to be innocent at the Integrity Commission, the outcome is probably very different in the court of public opinion, which does not operate on the same high standard of proof.

The analogy of the OJ Simpson trial is quite apt: anyone who watches the OJ Simpson documentary would know that the innocent verdict was questionable, but the glove didn’t fit, right? Evidence or not, in the eyes of the public, when something walks like a duck, talks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is most likely not a chicken.

Even if McDonald is innocent of all allegations, it is all about the perception of corruption and anyone who is accused of not one, but three commingling allegations of corruption should not be in the public sphere.

Clearly, Dr Rowley was more concerned with personal loyalty (McDonald was one of his fiercest defenders when Pennelope Beckles- Robinson challenged him for the leadership of the PNM ) than the public’s perception of a tainted minister.

By accepting the return of Mc- Donald, no supporter of the People’s National Movement could dare open their mouths to complain about the impending return of Anil Roberts to our Parliament.

I dread the day that Roberts is unleashed by the United National Congress because whilst both reinstatements are an insult to the public, his is even more of a disgrace because of the allegations that he was the male figure in the debauchery of the ‘Room 201 video,’ in addition to the fact that he was at the helm of the Ministry of Sport when LifeSporTT corruption was in full swing, even if he was not complicit. The PM chose loyalty over country and he ended up with egg on his face, but of course his hasty decision was the Integrity Commission’s fault; did anyone expect him to accept blame or take responsibility? My views on the integrity of the Integrity Commission have already been explicitly stated (see my column: “Culture of compromised integrity” June 21, 2015), but for the prime minister to publicly launch into a tirade on the integrity, and by extension, the legitimacy of such an important statutory body based on nothing but his personal experience, speaks volumes of his temperament.

With behaviour like this, it is difficult to believe that Dr Rowley and American president, Donald Trump aren’t kindred souls, the way they both fly off the handle with wanton ease.

Despite all the antics of these politicians taking the public for idiots, the most hilarious part of this political pappy-show came when former PM Kamla Persad-Bissessar highlighted what she believes to be Dr Rowley’s “incompetence,” “questionable judgement,” “unfitness,” and “poor leadership.” And whilst I agree with these adjectives being used to describe Dr Rowley, the irony of this accusation coming from Persad-Bissessar who could just as easily be referring to herself, is comedy gold.

We couldn’t make this up even if we tried. Sometimes I feel like this this cannot be real life… it really is a comical pappy-show with some of the world’s best actors and the public as an unwilling audience. I love being entertained, especi a l ly when it’s free, but this is one show that needs to come to an abrupt end.

There must be deep respect, decency and dignity.

There is a certain pastor who keeps attacking the pope, repeatedly calling him the “anti- Christ” and also ill-speaking the Catholic Church.

As a Catholic I take umbrage with that.

The word Catholic means universal and all who accept Christianity are called Catholics.

The pastor is out of place and disrespectful, trying to create an impression of being knowledgeable, but he should be taken off the air.

However, he may be forgiven because he obviously does not know better.

A leader in a church who professes to be Christian would not attack another religion.

This pastor is preaching hate against the people of the Catholic Church.

The pope is a man of peace and not of hypocrisy.

People tuning in to the programme would see a religion that teaches hate and not love, which is the mantra of Christ.

This man is of confused mind and should not lecture to people who are none the wiser. He is leading them astray and to damnation. A true Christian leader would follow in the footsteps of Jesus Christ.

HORACE DESORMEAUX Maraval

The election was originally scheduled to take place today, but it has been postponed after a threat of legal action from COP member Kirt Francis was brought to the fore in relation to the candidacy of Nicole Dyer-Griffith, former leader of the Alliance of Independents.

The leadership poll has been postponed pending the outcome of the party’s assembly on July 23, which will allow for the election of a new national executive.

After that meeting, a new date for the leadership election will be set.

Former COP chairman and San Fernando West MP Carolyn Seepersad-Bachan is also vying for the party’s leadership.

Gopaul-Mc Nicol said she was ready, willing and able to contest the election whenever the new date is announced.

She said her first priority, if elected, will be to form a new national executive, comprising people whom she feels are committed to building the internal structures of the party and reinforcing its values and vision.

“I believe the COP still has the best policies in education, social transformation and energy. There is no luxury in dismissing the COP as a third party,” she said in a Sunday Newsday interview.

No stranger to politics, Gopaul-McNicol is a former COP deputy political leader who bought in to the party’s philosophy when it was first conceptualised by founder Winston Dookeran in 2006.

Gopaul-McNicol believes, however, the COP quickly shifted from its moorings and became more in line with the dictates of the United National Congress- led People’s Partnership government after the 2010 general election, a development for which it is yet to recover.

“It was supposed to have been ground support which would have been 50 per cent and media, the other 50 per cent. But it ended up 80 per cent media and 20 per cent on the ground.” She said by the time attorney Prakash Ramadhar assumed the leadership of the party after Dookeran’s departure in 2011, it was more of the same.

Saying the situation did not augur well for “permanency in membership”, Gopaul-Mc Nicol said a re-configured COP, under her stewardship, will forge intimate ties with the people.

“You have to go door to door, know the constituents by their first name.” The St Joseph’s Convent, St Joseph, alumnus believes it is up to her to reverse the fortunes of the COP at a time when the country is crying out for a fresh, bottom-up to governance.

“I have to make it happen now and then, once I become the leader of the COP, what is going to happen is that the nation is going to be transfixed into how we change this country to address the problem. We have four years to do it.” But don’t expect to hear Gopaul-Mc Nicol bad-mouthing the ruling the People’s National Movement government at every turn.

She said there was simply too much work to be done.

“We don’t have the luxury to play opposition politics with our country. I have to work along with my new executive with our Government to help because you can’t say you’re in opposition and want to see your country go down, so let the PNM lose.

“It eh no PNM I am dealing with. It is the Government of Trinidad and Tobago.” Gopaul-McNicol, who fought unsuccessfully the St Joseph seat for the PNM in the 2002 general election, is advocating a transformational approach to governance as opposed to the transactional model, she believes, has been standard fare for decades.

“Transactional politics says you give me this and I will give you some contracts.

You give me votes and I will give you contracts,” she said.

“But we need people who are going beyond the politics. The politics is wrong. It has been top-down for so long that people are not even looking at our communities and seeing what is happening.” For example, she observed the policies have been fuelling criminal tendencies in many of the country’s young people, focussing, it appeared, on those proficient in academia.

However, she says, “The genius of the artiste, sportsman, musician, are no different than the genius of the academic. They are equally intelligent, just manifested differently

This week The Girlfriends return with a list of deal breakers in their close friendships with their “in real life” girlfriends. Sometimes the lines are blurred and because of the length of time you’ve invested in the relationship, or the secrets you hold for each or even the bonds of family, it’s difficult to determine when you need to cut it, if only for your sanity and peace of mind. But there will come a time when some people need to get the axe and be removed from your life especially when their actions are questionable and have you doubting the value or relevancy of the relationship.

Kimba: I think the most obvious sleeping with my man or my ex.

Staci: Always number one Kimba but two questions arise from this. 1. How recent an ex and 2. There are other things can friends do besides sleep with ya man, that is equally disgusting and you may be liable to cut ties as a result.

Kimba: The ex thing is really a “depends” yes… as a friend you would know how important this person was (or not). You always know when there are lines that shouldn’t be crossed and ones that could. You know when it’s going to hurt the other person if you went with them and you know others they won’t give a hoot about. Plus suppose your ex is the love of their life person? Suppose they are meant for each other? Would you really stand in the way of that? Katherine: Talking my business with people.

Kimba: Secret sharing is a def no no.

Mel: I think the big one for me is expecting us to be the same over time just because we’re friends. Over the years, I’ve lost two great female friends as a result.

Kimba: Being present when I’m being bad talked and not defending me because then I will begin to wonder why they so comfortable bad talking me with you too. Some friendships become toxic and I have cut a bff off because of it. It wasn’t just one thing but a culmination of repeated things that she did. Tried to ruin my friendships with others, bad talking me, lying… yeah, I cut that off. I still love her though but from afar!

Staci: I think sabotaging your relationship or reputation with other people is a sure sign of a toxic friend that needs to get cut.

Ronz: A big one for me is knowing something important and not telling me. I know it’s hard to share bad news like yuh man horning yuh or someone is trying to sabotage you at work but a close friend who would rather have me look like a fool than tell me what’s up is a deal breaker.

Kimba: This is true for me but think also the person who chose to tell and then lost their friend over it. Some people know their friend and choose to stay out of drama to preserve the friendship if they know the results can cause the loss of it. Me? I telling! Let the chips fall where they may.

Ronz: I agree Kimba and honestly, I wouldn’t be quick to tell every friend they man horning but my closest friends I would take that risk. I have no attachment to what they decide to do after I tell them but no close friend could ever come to me and say how I knew the horn was happening and I eh tell them.

Mel: Not supporting each other. We can’t be “all that” if we not supporting each other, I mean if you take more than ten minutes to acknowledge I’ve tagged you in an IG story – it’s over!

Staci: But what about in specific situations? Like after a divorce or breakup with your man and your friend seems more sympathetic to your ex than you? Plenty woman can’t deal with their friend remaining friends or friendly with their ex.

Mel: Friend divorce settlements are hard. The person in the middle has to be a champion. Be mature is my only rule.

Kimba: Yes, this is real hard and def an issue. Especially when it’s a bitter separation.

Mel: When I had my situation, it was hard but some friends shined and never chose sides. Don’t get me wrong though, everyone has an opinion and that is allowed but you have to think of both people and if they’re your friends, help or say nothing. And helping is saying good, general things, like “I always admired you guys as a couple” or “I still can’t believe it nah”… blah blah blah. Saying things like “iz not my business” is bad – it seems dismissive.

Ronz: Yeah, the division of friends is a tough one sometimes. I think people need to just make sure they are staying out of any “He said She said” stuff and avoid getting caught up in being the shoulder to cry on for the partner who wasn’t your friend to begin with, especially if you’re still very close with the other person.

Mel: I’m in a fading friendship now actually. Cutting the routine is hard but there are certain things that just aren’t done and said by true friends. It’s a delicate dance but I find it’s the same pain as going through a breakup with a lover.

Ronz: Exactly

Mel: And Sometimes worse. Especially if you put in work! Another friendship deal breaker for me… slinging things I confide in you back at me when we arguing! Not cool! If I talking to you about your relationship – after you asked for advice – and I give you, and it’s not what you want to hear, don’t fling that me and my man ain’t perfect in my face.

Ronz: Nah, friendship officially on pause for reassessment.

When it becomes tit for tat it means you want to show you better than me and that means this ain’t a friendship. Lying to me is another friendship killer. I can’t handle the confusion and doubt that lying creates.

Staci: Great point Ronz, so friends who can’t stand to see you win or is always trying to compete with you, what do we do with them?

Ronz: I’m not a competitive person so that would be super annoying. A friend who isn’t happy with your successes isn’t a friend. That’s an easy cut to make.

Mel: Eh liking nothing or sharing my small business posts on ya Facebook, I see your non-supportive behind, un-friend!

Katherine: Another deal breaker for me is if we go out and you never buy a rounds but always bumming drinks.

Ronz: Friends who sponge habitually are advantageous and usually users. Everyone might go through a low/tough period financially but if you routinely expect me to carry you when we go out, nah!

Staci: Sponging heffas, can’t stand ‘em. And what about someone who is always negative about everything every single time you guys interact? Arm’s length or cut it?

Kimba: Arm’s length. Everyone needs a friend! I’m guessing they must have some positive attributes someway! Staci: Or what about the friend who always drops you when she has a man and the minute they don’t work out she’s ringing off your phone wanting to make plans?

Niks: I’m that friend that don’t answer those types of calls anymore #sorrynotsorry

Ronz: You would only ketch me with that once. I may be open to reconnecting with you after the _ rst time but not twice #aintnobodygottimeforthat

Kimba: Also. People who just attract and create drama everywhere they go… tiresome.

Mel: Dais me though, sigh, lol.

Kimba: Hey no one is perfect we’ve all done things we weren’t proud of or were questionable… the thing is we can acknowledge it and grow and try to be better friends.

The Girlfriends is a group of 15 women between the ages of 26 – 45 who are willing to give an unadulterated look into their own experiences.

Some names have been changed for privacy