Bitterness destroys, forgiveness heals

While conducting research interviews for a particular ministry project some years ago, I was amazed by the connection which several medical doctors made between unforgiveness (including bitterness, anger and hatred) and many major medical conditions.

Unforgiveness results in wars, mass murders, bitter enmity, anger, rage, fury and hatred. This hideous enemy of the heart also vastly contributes to domestic violence, divorce, broken relationships, deep emotional stress and, according to medical sources, a host of illnesses. Forgiveness, on the other hand, greatly contributes to the prevention or reversal of the whole list of negatives. Since it is such a critically important matter, forgiveness is extensively addressed in Scripture. In fact, to a considerable extent, this item can be considered the central theme of the Bible.

Let’s examine some key forgiveness facts:

• What Jesus preached: In what we refer to as “The Lord’s Prayer” which is the model prayer that Jesus left us (Matt 6: 9-12), Christ instructs that we should say, “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those that trespass against us.” God will forgive our sins only to the degree that we forgive others who wrong us. In Mark 11: 25-26 the Lord further commands, “When you stand praying forgive, if ye have aught against any... For if ye do not forgive, neither will your heavenly father forgive you your trespasses.” Jesus’ teaching finds support in the Psalm of David: “If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.” (Ps 66:18)

• What Jesus practised: Throughout the earthly ministry of Christ, He distinctly demonstrated the spirit of forgiveness. To the sick of the palsy, He said, “Thy sins be forgiven thee.” (Mt 9:2) To the woman taken in adultery He proclaimed, “Neither do I condemn thee, go and sin no more.” (Jn 8:11) To the weeping repentant prostitute, He remarked with mercy, “Thy sins, which are many, are forgiven thee.” (Luke 7:47) And perhaps the greatest of them all was His cry from the cross, begging mercy for those who were actually crucifying him: “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.”   (Luke 23:34)

• Forgiveness and love: Because of His love, God forgives all our vile, wretched sins when we come to Him in genuine repentance (turning away from our sins). It was this love that moved Him to give His Son to die for our sins (Jn 3:16). It was love which led the Son to give His life (Jn 15:13). It will therefore take the love of God in our hearts to move us to forgive others. When we accept Christ as our Lord, this love “is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost.” (Rom 5:5) As we put our selfishness aside and allow expression to this love (agape), the grace of forgiveness follows.

• Forgiveness and healing: While conducting research interviews for a particular ministry project some years ago, I was amazed by the connection which several medical doctors made between unforgiveness (including bitterness, anger and hatred) and many major medical conditions. I later had this verified by other forms of research. The Bible also clearly connects forgiveness and healing. Psalm 103:3 says, “He (God) forgives all their iniquities and heals all thy diseases.” James 5:16 advises, “Confess your faults one to another that you may be healed.” Some medical sources call the chemical discharged in the body of an unforgiving, bitter and angry person “poison.” Wise man Solomon writes, “A merry (joyful, pleasant, forgiving), heart does good as a medicine, but a broken (hurt, grieved, bitter) spirit dries the bones.” (Prov 17:22) Job was critically ill and under massive attacks of evil forces. But the Scripture tells us that “God turned the captivity of Job” and “gave him twice as much blessing” when he prayed for those who had hurt him by false accusations and otherwise (Job 42:10).

• Forgiveness and marriage: It is entirely impossible for any marriage to be enjoyable or fulfilling without forgiveness being a major part of the relationship. In my almost twenty-five years of counselling separated, divorced and multi-divorced couples, I have observed that there is usually a distinct presence of unforgiveness in one or both parties. The very fact that God has based marriage upon love indicates that forgiveness will most definitely be necessary — love forgives. Usually this forgiveness is needed on a daily basis, hence the Lord say, “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath” (Eph 4:26). The Lord instructs the man to “love your wife as Christ loves the Church, and give himself for it.” Forgiveness was at the heart of this act of Christ. He charges the wife to “submit unto your husband as unto the Lord.” At the heart of submitting to the Lord is repentance and forgiveness.

• Forgiving and forgetting: We have all heard the expression: “I could forgive, but I cannot forget.” Really, there is no such thing. True forgiveness involves forgetting. Of course, the mental awareness may inevitably continue to exist, but certainly not the “thirst for blood” (desire for revenge). Bogus forgiveness buries the hatchet but leaves the handle exposed. Authentic forgiveness buries both hatchet and handle. The Apostle Paul pens, “Forgetting those things which are behind, I press towards the mark for the prize.” (Phil 3:14) When God forgives, He forgets — “Their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.” (Heb 10:17)