How to get a woman

DO YOU KNOW – if I may please borrow the trademark phrase of Grammar Guru Giuseppi – that I had originally planned to write this week’s column on the most serious topic of the death penalty, but then I decided that life is too short and the papers are already full of enough doom and gloom! So today I am dedicating my thousand words especially to the clueless and lonely young men of Trinidad and Tobago, to try and help them with what seems to be their most common complaint – they simply can’t “get a woman.” I always hear young men in their late teens and twenties (or even older, actually) saying how they are “nice guys” but are perpetually single, how they don’t know how to meet women, or if they do meet a woman they don’t know how to talk to them. Or even if they do start dating someone, it doesn’t seem to last very long. Well guys, this easy ten-step guide on “How To Get (And Keep) A Woman” is full of common sense suggestions on what a lot of women wish men would do, along with ideas on how to make yourself more attractive to women, and, of course, what not to do.

1. Women like nice guys, but don’t be too nice. What do I mean by “too nice”? I mean don’t be that guy who always has a million female friends but never a girlfriend. Women want a man – not a lost puppy or a little brother. When it comes to getting to know a woman, you do not want to get stuck in the category of Mister Nice Guy who would be the best boyfriend… if only women were attracted to him.

2. If you are in the stage of getting to know a woman and are trying to figure out how to talk with her and keep a conversation going, here is one very important suggestion on what NOT to talk about – your car. It is highly unlikely she is into rims, tint, speed or sound systems as much as you are, so don’t talk to her like you’d talk to your male friends. Talk about anything else… movies, parties, books, people, politics, places, anything! But avoid babbling on about hotting up your car.

3. Dress nicely. Nothing turns on a woman more than a man who is well dressed. I am aware that a man will quite happily wear an old t-shirt and jeans every day of the week, but remember that a lot of women put an effort into looking nice, so the least you could do is try to do the same. Put on a proper shirt with a collar and some buttons and try to look a little half decent for once in your life!

4. You don’t have to be rich to impress a woman; and trust me when I say you don’t want to go after a woman who only likes rich men. You don’t have to take her to a fancy restaurant or shower her with gold and jewels. There are lots of cheap date options that make a woman feel special – for example, take her to see the sunset from Fort George, which is both very romantic and very free!

5. Don’t ever be a pervert. If you have been checking this girl for a while and she seems to be checking you back, don’t make your move too soon. Treat her like a lady – do not try to molest or grope her, or suck her face off, or do something equally disgusting. Don’t let your hormones take control. Always be a gentleman, and NO means NO, end of story.

6. The lady you are pursuing probably does not know just yet what disgusting creatures men are. All women who enter a relationship eventually accept this fact of life, but the least that you can do when courting a lady is try to manage your masculine grossness. This means no loud bodily functions, such as belching.

7. I know men think this is a clich?, but women LOVE flowers. Flowers are pretty and smell nice – much like women – so try to put the two together once in a while. Of course, flowers can be expensive, so if it’s not quite the end of the month and you can’t afford a bunch, a single flower will do, even if you pick it yourself (see point #4).

8. Everybody likes to be complimented now and then – but don’t go overboard. “You look really nice” is quite fine. Don’t make a huge scene every time you see her because you may come across as insincere or embarrass her. Complimenting her outfit is also good – but asking her too many questions about where she bought her shoes or how much they cost may lead her to question which way you swing…

9. Dance. I know this sounds simple, but most women love a man who knows how to move, and I ain’t talking about wining and jamming. A man who knows how to sweep a woman off her feet on a dance floor has a big advantage. Latin dancing is good. Don’t just stand up in a corner in the club and nod your head in time with the beat. Take a class, learn some steps. They will come in handy.

10. Of course, none of these suggestions will do you any good if you have no confidence. Men always ask why it is women tend to go for the cocky bastards who treat them badly, and the answer is because women are attracted to confident men. Or ever see a hot woman with a not so hot man? No matter what you look like, a confident  personality is your ticket to the pot of gold and will draw people to you like a moth to a flame.

So in conclusion, always remember these are just guidelines for guys who honestly feel they don’t know what women like or what women want. All women are different, it’s a big world out there, so you are bound to eventually feel chemistry with someone. All you really need to do is be a good guy, and always make your lady feel special. It’s as easy as that.