You’ve stolen my last orchid, buster

THE EDITOR: The increase in environmental awareness and concern about outdoor aesthetics has apparently resulted in an increase in plant pilfering activities. I recently fell victim to the theft of a few of my well-established orchid plants which I was painstakingly grooming after they had fallen prey to spider mite infestation. My orchids, which I had just about brought back from the brink of death, were my pride and joy, but alas, I was not to enjoy them for much longer since some plant thief thought they would look better in his garden or that he could make some good money, judging from the market value of orchids nowadays. A regular Dendrobium orchid costs close to $100 at plant outlets.

A few of my acquaintances and neighbours have also had orchids and even garden hoses stolen from their yards. Those of us who own orchids have spent a lot of money to acquire and maintain them and have nurtured them from small plants to maturity. One can just imagine the trauma a plant lover experiences after having lost something so precious that has been cared for with utmost patience and devotion. I must admit to having had some not too nice thoughts about the thief who had invaded my privacy and brazenly returned on more than one occasion to steal away with my plants.

I initially toyed with the idea of reporting the matter to the police, but how was I going to describe the five or so plants that I had lost? Such is the delicate nature of plant theft. The victim has no recourse. Plants cannot be easily identified, although I felt almost certain that I could identify those that had distinguishing spider mite infestation marks. I can almost hear the snicker, or worse yet, stern rebuff of the police officer receiving the stolen orchids report, in light of what one might consider more important or serious crime. You can be sure that no police officer worth his salt would be found hunting for stolen orchids, no matter how costly the plants! Orchid thieves can therefore rest assured that their trade would be safe from police interference.
 
In order to save myself embarrassment and more disappointment, I have now resorted to keeping my orchids indoors and putting them out for a little sunlight and water until such time as I am able to secure my porch. We have been forced to keep undesireable elements out by burgler-proofing our homes. Must we now resort to burgler-proof gardens? Can you imagine getting into your wrought iron garden to tend to plants? I shudder to think that not even ornamental plants are safe any more. I certainly am not naive enough to believe that cheap plant lovers would stop purchasing stolen orchids. Just bear in mind that you would be contributing to the very lawlessness and disproportionate crime situation about which we so bitterly complain if you indulge in this practice.

My only consolation, selfish though it may seem, is that the unsuspecting thief or new owner might have his or her entire plant collection wiped out if he or she does not continue to treat the pest problem which my diseased plants will surely transmit. Here’s hoping he didn’t read this article, but if, by chance, you’ve done so, just know that you’ve stolen your last orchid from off my porch, buster!

JENNIFER MCPHERSON
Arima