Positive thinking leads to positive actions

THE EDITOR: It has been said that carnival was real good this year. Yes, the greatest show of the world has come to an end, but the struggle in the human jungle continues. We are back to square one, with the same form of violent crimes being committed. Unfortunately, when we look at the age group of those persons who are alleged to be committing these violent crimes, it is a very sad situation. You may ask the question: why do these young people commit such crimes? Why should young people with possibilities to do great things end up as members of gangs? Were they born to be criminals? No. The main factor has to do with the wrong type of environmental influences. There are a number of factors within the environment, which may contribute to unacceptable behaviour on the part of young people. My heart goes out for the young adults, because they did not determine the environmental conditions in which to live, their parents did.

Let me turn to the parents. Parents, our creator has given you a special gift of bringing children into the world, and also a special responsibility to prepare them to be meaningful contributors to the well-being of our society. As a mater of fact the word of God makes it very clear in “Deuteronomy 6: 6-8 ‘“And these (Ten commandments) words, which I command you today, shall be in your hearts. You shall teach them diligently to your children, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.”’ What this means, is that parents are to be dedicated and committed to teaching their children sound moral and spiritual values, based on the word of God. A major issue confronting most parents, is the very challenging environment in which they are trying to bring up their children. In addition, too often most parents are not fully equipped to help their children, to adopt correct attitudes and behaviours.

I have had the opportunity to deal with a number of young adults, and have found that many of them suffer from low self-esteem. Maybe, this is why a number of them join gangs, which seems to offer them real status and a feeling of importance. I do not have all the short and long term solutions to the crime problem among young adults. However, I would like to offer some advice on self-esteem, to my fellow citizens, who have been charged with the responsibility of performing their many roles of a parent. What do we mean by self-esteem? Self-esteem begins with an image or concept of oneself. It is an attitude people develop towards themselves. Therefore, if a person’s self image is distorted, that person’s self-esteem will be as well. When people grow up seeing themselves as unattractive or incompetent, their self-esteem will be shaped accordingly. In fact, children with low self-esteem may become easily frustrated or moody, may have poor problem-solving skills, may have difficulty making and keeping friends, make self-critical marks or may put down others, may become the class bully and lack the confidence necessary to try new opportunities.

Sometimes children and adults feel good about themselves for getting even with others in a mean and vindictive way. On the other hand, healthy self-esteem describes appropriate self-acceptance, self-love, and self-confidence that become the foundation for self-improvement. What can we as parents do to ensure that our children develop a healthy self-esteem? Firstly, remember that self-esteem is learned mostly at home during childhood. This is why it is essential for parents to be kind, give praise, love and listen to their children. Make sure that your children know that they are worthy, because they are God’s children. A healthy self-esteem is not about successes or failures, special talents or accomplishments. It is based on God’s love and acceptance. Give unconditional love at all times, not just when they are doing what you want them to do. Withdrawing love when you are displeased can devastate a child’s self-esteem because it distorts the self-image. Also, you should make every effort to give children your time and undivided attention.

Be alert to any signs that your children may be developing a distorted self image seeing themselves as unworthy, useless, less than adequate. Bad self-attitudes are always based on a distortion of the self-image, usually in the negative direction; and they see themselves as less worthy than others. You should teach your children to look at setbacks as opportunities in disguise or possibilities to do better. Parents should support character qualities such as courage, self-reliance, confidence, respect, honesty, problem solving, positive attitudes and uniqueness. Every child has a unique gift, so try to help your child discover what these unique strengths are, even if they are not on your agenda or value lists. As a parent, you should be fair and use reasonable consequences when attempting to change problem behaviour and should also encourage your children to be responsible for their own thoughts, feelings and actions.

Make sure that the feedback you give your child is not distorted by your own desires or disappointments. You are the mirror through which they see themselves — keep it well polished, provide an atmosphere of complete trust for your child. If he or she can’t trust you in the little things, don’t expect them to trust you in the big things. Nor will they learn to trust themselves. Some negative feedback in life is inevitable, and probably true, so every child must develop the courage to face up to and learn whatever he or she can from it. It is emotional food for their growth. They should also be taught how to discern that which is not true thus ignoring it. The sooner we discover our weaknesses and try to change them, the better. Healthy self-esteem cannot be built just on achieving a lot of success. Even the most accomplished of people are plagued by feelings of self-rejection.

COLVIN BLAIZE
Chaguanas