The big wedding

Take for example the royal Brits. You think the way their noses are shaped came just like that? Please! It is the result of generations of turning up their noses and looking down at the lower classes. I believe this attitude could have started with Henry VIII. Remember him? He was the original philanderer. The man who threw out wives and didn’t just let them go off and find new mates, but cut off their heads. Rather nice guy.

So, as I said, I crack up at the sight of a silly old man marrying a young, energetic girl just because he thinks it makes him look like Brad Pitt, except that he (the old guy) is on viagra.

These thoughts rushed through my head the other morning as I turned on the television to a US news network. You see it was Saturday and the wife had not yet ordered me out of the house to do the groceries. So there I was sitting comfortably and these Americans were giving a ball by ball account of two old fogies getting married in England. I would have switched channels except that the commentators were making some pretty heavy jokes about the event. I mean to say I agreed with them when they said that one would have thought that after a thirty-year affair that spans two marriages, two divorces and four children between them, Charles and Camilla would have stolen away to some remote part of England for a quickee ceremony that would have made an honest man and woman of them.

But no, they had to have a wedding in full view of world television with a castle in the background and many guests wearing hats that would not have been out of place at J’ouvert.

I mean, I understand that no matter how frumpish the royals may be the Brits adore them, so I could see the BBC setting up cameras for most of the day. But why the Americans? Well I can tell you why. It was just so they could have some fun. And from what I was able to hear and see (before the wife bore down on me to do the chores) the US commentators had a field day.

Charles, one advised, was allowed to marry Camilla because at her age (pushing sixty) there was no chance of her producing children and complicating the succession to the throne which was so well planned when Charles married Diana (while loving Camilla) just so that she (Diana) could produce an heir.

Then there was this one. The weatherman had reported some seven inches of snow in Scotland where the newlyweds were to honeymoon. What has that got to do with anything, you ask? Well the commentator supplied the fact that such weather would be pretty cosy and a good excuse to stay indoors. Another occasion of mirth was the arrival at the church of the royals in rented mini buses. What’s this with these mini buses, a commentator inquired, is it a rotary club outing?

The Americans were harsh I tell you, very harsh with references to Camilla as a husband-stealer and rottweiler, (a name given to her by the late Diana) and such like pleasant compliments.

Of great fun was the fact that during the church service the couple read a prayer from some ancient prayer book in which they repented of their "sins and wickedness," and promised to be faithful to each other. What else can these two people do at their age but be faithful was the question asked by listeners like me.

As I turned off the television I heard a commentator again refer to Camilla as a home wrecker. Well Charles had better keep her away from the teacup, shouldn’t he? Of course the thought of a teacup brawl brought me right back home to those among us who turn up their noses at others.

Doesn’t Mr Manning know that there are over four hundred thousand Catholics in Trinidad and Tobago? Is he no longer interested in votes? I must admit that I did not attend the service for the Pope, but I have already received divine pardon from above since I had a legitimate excuse — work. I wonder what Mr Manning was doing while the service was taking place? Probably dribbling with glee over the thought of all the oil money flowing into Government’s coffers. At least Mrs Hazel Manning like me had a good excuse — she got no invitation. What’s wrong with this picture? You mean Mr Manning gets an invitation and keeps it a secret from Hazel? And since when are the Mannings above storming?

Remember the Maha Sabha affair of some years ago when Manning attended the people’s thing without being invited? And what does Mr Manning mean by "no comment" when asked why he did not attend the service?

Does he mean that as father of the nation and no doubt by now father of the universe he is more important than the Pope?

FOOTNOTE: By the way, you should be thrilled to hear that I was granted permission by Newsday to make myself available to the West Indies Test cricket team. But once again those darn sponsors thwarted my plans by suddenly deciding to release Lara, Sarwan, Gayle and the rest from their contractual obligations.

Once again, cricket’s greatest unknown player will have to remain unknown. At least until the next sponsorship bacchanal.