‘Cokey Eye’ Lennox and the burning city

THANK God Chief Fire Officer (CFO) Lennox Alfred is not a judge for the Miss Trinidad and Tobago beauty pageant. God be praised. For with Alfred’s eyesight, had he been a judge, he would have selected some poor human who resembled an aging gorilla or worse yet — Camilla Parker Bowles — to represent us at the Miss Universe Pageant. Thank God also, Patrick Manning does not have CFO Alfred on his (Manning) Vision 2020 planning team, or else, the whole country would burn down way before 2020. This is the first time I can safely say Manning actually had foresight. You see, for the life of me, I cannot understand how a man dressed up in slick fancy fire-fighting outfit with helmet an thing, could go on the television two Saturdays ago, while tong burning down, and tell people: “everything under control.”

Imagine that! Poor Lennox must be real cokey eye. He even say fire tenders were sent back to their stations because the fire “done out.” All the while plumes of black smoke covering the sky and a chain of buildings burning down like is nobody business. Is over six hours that fire burn for you know. Six hours! Six blasted hours and he had the gall to say everything was under control? In a next country, cokey-eye Lennox would have gotten some hard tap up, thrown in jail and the key flung into the sea. Lennox boy, if ever my house on fire, doh pass by to fight it eh, because the whole neighbourhood go burn down yes breds. Better for one house to burn down than the whole block. I could always loaf by meh neighbours for a few years until meh house get build back. Confucius once said: “When your neighbour bamboo ajoupa on fire, throw water on yours.” But with Lennox at the helm of the TT Fire Service, whenever there is a fire in future, we go have to pray for hurricane or tsunami to wet the whole damn country.

And what is this thing with them fire hydrants? Oh gorm man Patrick, you really want to bring all them white people here and have the FTAA Headquarters in this country? Imagine tong burning down and all them white and Spanish people seeing not a single working fire hydrant. Oh the shame. Patrick, take meh chupid advice boy, instead of spending money to change street signs and putting up new, fancy ones with the Spanish version of the street name, why not spend the oil and VAT money and get some proper hydrants? We eh sure to get the FTAA headquarters boy. Businessmen who lose their property to fire eh have no need to see street signs saying “Henry Street — Calle Henry.” Patrick, instead of paying millions to finance bogus opinion polls on the good citizens of Moriland (the PNM’s slang for Trinidad and Tobago), perhaps we can equip our brave firemen with proper fire-fighting equipment.

I mean it is commendable that you, our Father of the Nation, have provided strategically placed urinals for Man’s Best Friends and both me and the Humane Society thank you for this, but I think we need to better utilise these hydrants. Or failing that, perhaps we could have wells dug throughout the city of Puerto De Espana (in case anyone from the FTAA reads this in Newsday’s online edition) so in case of a fire, persons forming bucket brigades can have a more reliable supply of water. But wait. Wells eh go work either because is dry season and WASA eh have no water to full them wells. And besides, no right thinking CEPEP worker would be seen dead toting buckets of seawater from by the Port or Sealots to full these wells. They have better things to do like paint Patrick’s stones around Whitehall or the side of the road.

Oh and for heaven’s sake Patrick do something nah man, you is the boss. And by the way, when next you have your National Security Council meetings, tell poor Lennox to keep his mouth shut if he does not know what he talking about. Lennox should follow the example of Martin Joseph. We all know Martin does not know his elbow from his toes, far less on how to deal with crime, but at least he does not put his feet in his mouth by talking nonsense. Okay let me correct myself. At last Wednesday’s Post-Cabinet press conference, Minister Martin Joseph told the country the next time fire breaks out the authorities will be able to handle “their stories.” Yes Martin, we believe you. All them murders eh murders but really is people who just drop down dead and it so happen they had bullets in them and knife “jook.” So Martin does talk dotishness after all, who would have thought it. Please Lennox, don’t join Martin in the foolish talk. Things bad as they are already.