A punishment proposal

And what, exactly, is God’s law? Well, in Leviticus 20:10, Yahweh instructs, "and the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death." And, surely, if the Manning regime instituted this divine law, it would put an end to horn. Of course, it might put an end to a lot of politicians and big businessmen, too, but then we would also solve the problem of corruption. See how God thinks ahead?

Deuteronomy 22:21 also recommends capital punishment for any woman found not to be a virgin on her wedding night. (Specifically, it says "and the men of the city shall stone her with stones that she die," so the execution will have to be carried out in a quarry or a CEPEP project.) So it turns out that, when Education Minister Hazel Manning started abstinence clubs, she was really trying to save both young women’s lives and our gravel reserves. Now all Hazel has to do is make Dr Stephan Gift head of the Curriculum Division to ensure that students don’t learn about evolution or relativity so they can avoid being executed for blasphemy (Lev. 24:15).

But even more important is the rule laid down in Leviticus 20:9, which comes before all the other statutes: "For everyone that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death." You can see why Yaweh gave this law such priority, because if we can keep the delinquent children in line, then they won’t get out of line when they grow up. Indeed, they won’t get a chance to grow up. All we have to do is hang a few nine-to-14-year olds who give their parents backchat, and in no time at all we’ll have a set of well-behaved, obedient and respectful youths.

Of course, not everyone follows the Bible but, luckily, that doesn’t matter when it comes to capital punishment. Allah and Bhagavan, like Yahweh, also approve of executing murderers. Indeed, this is just one of the only two things the Bible, Vedas and Qu’ran agree on (the other being the inferiority of women to men). The Manu-samhita argues that, when the authorities execute a killer, they are actually doing him a favour, since putting him to death removes the burden of karma in his next life. Oddly, though, no member of the Chadee gang thanked Basdeo Panday or Ramesh Lawrence Maharaj for this great boon.

Of course, we must keep in mind that these laws have been laid down by a Supreme Being so, if you are truly devout, you can’t pick and choose which rules you’re going to follow. So Bhagavan doesn’t only instruct that murderers be executed: the authorities must also hang arsonists and squatters. Schoolchildren and ex-Caroni workers had better watch out. Additionally, the Manusamhita says to cut off the hand or foot or tongue of any chamar who cuffs, kicks or curses a brahmin — a law which will no doubt please Dr Elizabeth Sieussaran and the Women Against Racism and Discrimination (WARD, who generally forget to add Except When Indians Practise It to their title). Sat Maharaj, however, has argued that these laws no longer apply, which makes you wonder what kind of vikey-vie god he worships. Either Bhagavan wants widows burnt on their husbands’ funeral pyre or He doesn’t.

As for Allah, well, His followers show every day what kinds of law He wants. Sura 6, verse 45 says, "And we prescribed for them therein: the life for the life, and the eye for the eye, and the nose for the nose, and the ear for the ear, and the tooth for the tooth, and for wounds retaliation." (This verse adds, "But who forgives it in the way of charity, it shall be expiation for him", but most Muslims prefer to take the retaliation and give sawine instead.)

In fact, Allah is rather hierarchical when it comes to taking vengeance. "O you who believe! Retaliation is prescribed for you in the matter of the murdered: the free man for the free man, and the slave for the slave and the female for the female," He says (2:178 ). So, if you’re going to kill a woman, you had better kill two, since that’s the value Allah places on females (4:11 gives an exact calculation). But Allah also has a system to help avoid domestic murders. "Men are in charge of women. because Allah has made the one of them superior to the other," He says. "So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah has guarded. As for those from whom you fear rebellion, scold them and banish them to a separate bed and whip them." (4:34 ) On the other hand, Allah’s an equal-opportunity punisher when it comes to horn and stealing: "The adulterer and the adulteress, whip each one with 100 strokes" (24: 2) and "As for the thief, both male and female, cut off their hands." (5:38 )

So if we all follow God’s laws, then we will eliminate murder, rape, robbery, and dangerous overtaking. True, we will also have a good few people without hands and feet, and we’ll surely have a lot of persons without brains, since all the smart people will either emigrate or be executed. But isn’t that a small price to pay to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, become One with the Godhead, and get 72 virgins brides in Paradise?

E-mail:kbaldeosingh@hotmail.com
Website: www.caribscape.com/baldeosingh