More limericks licks

"There was a fellow named Lancelot/On whom the neighbours looked on askance a lot./For whenever he’d pass/A presentable lass/The front of his pants would advance a lot."

Just as often, the names are those of places. One of my favourites (and a popular limerick destination, no doubt because it rhymes with so many things) is,

"There was a young lady of Kent/Who loved the landlord for rent./As the lady grew older/The landlord grew colder/And now that source of income has went."

So, as I say, most readers seemed amused. But there were a couple of purists who pointed out that I had not stuck strictly to the rules of limericking. This was quite true, for although I used the aabba rhyme scheme, I adopted the calypso technique of assonant rhymes — mostly because I found it difficult to get a good rhyme to "Hazel". Still, since it is rare that anyone can validly criticise my newspaper columns, I felt I had to rise to the challenge (besides which, I always prefer to insult politicians on both sides).

Also, some other issues came up which I thought could use a limerick’s pong. So, Novack and Frank, I hope I meet your high standards this time around. And, to show how much you motivated me, I started with the most unrhymeable surname of any politician in T&T.

There was a politician named

Dookeran

Who didn’t look and ran.

He said, ‘I am so nice,

For office that will suffice,

Although I am a mook of a man.’

In truth, I have never understood — and still don’t — why a good many people seem to think Mr Dookeran is leadership material. (I’m not saying other people are wrong, just that I don’t get it.) On the other hand, those persons who have been supporting Basdeo Panday have been making exactly the kind of cultish — did I spell that right? — arguments you’d expect. All of Panday’s defenders ignore the fact that he had a very specific reason for giving up the post of Political Leader.

A party was named the UNC

By a leader of great fluency.

He said, ‘In this cornucopia

Corruption causes myopia,

Which is why you ent see.’

But, in this ongoing battle, there have been some unexpected developments. A significant one is that Jack Warner — another man whose influence I don’t get — has emerged as a major UNC player in a way that not even his millions can explain.

There was a fellow named Warner

Who liked stepping out of his

corner.

He said, ‘I always reach my goals

Though I am blacker than coals’

As he continued to blow his own

horner.

Just as amazing as this, though, was the turning of certain worms.

There was a fellow named Manohar

Who would never go far;

So he hitched his wagon to a star,

Seeing not the slightest mar,

Till the star went supernova.

Which brings me back to Mr Panday, who so dominates the UNC that I could not even find another personage to write a limerick on (plus which, I didn’t want to write about Yetming and wetting, and it’s impossible to find a good rhyme for Kamla).

Legends tell of the man named

Panday

Who was a real man, his fans say;

He could cut the national debt

With just a match and his breath

So the country’s light bill can pay.

And, although I wanted to write about the political effects that this internal UNC fight is having, like the fellow named Garvin/Who wanted an election win./A party he did throw/But nobody did show/And Garvin drank all the gin, or about a newly formed political committee/Which was all about the nitty gritty./Its members saw enough for four/And would tap up any whore/Who said politics has no morality — although I would have liked to write these things, crime and politics are now inextricably linked. So instead I found myself wondering about other leaders in the society.

There was a man named Bakr

Who became a political backer.

Leaders used him as a black tout,

Then tried to back out

When Bakr became a nuts-cracker.

And now, with former policeman Lennox Phillip facing some serious charges, I wonder what effect this may have on the crime rate. Not that my cogitations went too deep, as you see:

A fellow by the name of Paul

Tried to catch a thief in his hall;

He called on him to Freeze

But forgot to say Please,

So the bandit did not heed his call.

And, with that, I believe I have done my part to make T&T a better place.

E-mail:

kbaldeosingh@hotmail.com

Website.www.caribscape.com/

baldeosingh