HEADACHES AND ASPIRIN

And for each headache of which he complained, Manning offered a series of obeah-man remedies. And this audience listened to him, and seemed to accept it all. As did the media — only the editorial cartoonists lampooned his pathetic performance.

Manning’s biggest headache — according to Manning — has an “aspirin value” of twenty-seven billion dollars. The headache — according to Manning — is WASA. And while Manning seems to know the cost of the aspirin, he feels we simply cannot swallow the pill without a huge dollop of horse manure which he thinks is honey.

What is WASA’s main problem? It is the inability of WASA to get water from where it is produced or stored to our homes. Simple — no headache there. And why can’t WASA deliver the water to our homes? Because all of the mains and pipes are broken or clogged. It’s that basic. Patrick Manning and his cabinet all know that. Panday and both his parties know that. The World Bank knows that, even I know that — and all who read this column know that. And certainly WASA knows that. But WASA can do nothing to solve this problem. The decision rests with Government — not with WASA.

In their 1991 — 1995 turn to blight the country, Manning’s government ignored the World Bank loan to replace the pipes and put in a “new management” instead. A foreign company was paid to show us how to manage WASA. However they were unable to show us how to get water into our homes. When they left they were richer, and WASA was poorer.

In their 1995 — 2001 blight, the UNC decided that WASA’s headaches could be solved by a desalination plant. Now we have a Desal Plan but still have no water. Anybody ask why? And then we get the PNM blight back and Patrick Manning is going to solve WASA’s problems by what — spending $27 billion to restructure the management? Something called the Energy Committee, a creature of cabinet — our inept bungling, procrastinating cabinet — is going to “restructure WASA.”

And all of you in south who can’t get water in you homes — all of you take that without saying boo, or even baa! And then WASA states in the newspapers that they know nothing about this restructuring plan. Does the substantive Minister know about this or was it just “breakfasses talk”? Ms Penelope Beckles, I admire you and I believe you must be someone of competence. Since I do not know you, I base my judgement entirely upon the fact that Manning did not want you for that Arima seat. He would have preferred another Rupert Griffith. But I digress. Ms Beckles can you tell us if WASA needs new pipes or a new management structure please. Give this aspirin to your leader: Revive the discussion with the World Bank and put in a new distribution system.

Manning’s Crime headache is a migraine, and no simple aspirin, nor grand-charge American comic book sloganeering is going to cure it. The government’s ongoing sponsorship of crime while Minister Elmer Fudd gropes for ideas ensures that the crime migraine will be with us for a long, long time. The latest initiative launched was a poor copy of 800 TIPS, with a name designed to promote a brand of cigarettes.

And then there is the flooding headache. I read that minister of flooding, Colm Imbert, had declared that the country was ready for flooding, and floods came. It’s good that something went according to plan for a change. In fairness to the minister — he did say afterwards that he had been misquoted. However, when rain fell in Port-of-Spain last week Friday, for less than half an hour, all of the streets in lower PoS and Woodbrook were submerged. Countless cars were flooded out, and huge traffic jams were created.

Earlier this year Mr Imbert promised us that tenders would be invited to clean the clogged drains. Tell us what was done Mr Minister, and why the city flooded — but please remember, it was low tide when the rains came.

He announced — ignoring the drains — that the flooding was caused by cutting the hills above the city. Now Mr Imbert knows that the only time the cutting of the hills is responsible for the city flooding is when the Maraval and St Ann’s rivers overflow. And that is a rare occasion, which can be prevented by dredging the rivers’ mouths. However, Mr Imbert has another solution. He is going to build “retainer dams” along these two rivers — to hold the flood waters. However, he did not say where (and no reporter thought to ask) he would build these dams.

Well, let me help. The only spaces for these dams are the President’s Grounds on the St Ann’s River and George V Park and St Mary’s College Ground on the Maraval River. Watersports anyone? Mr Minister, with all due respect, try cleaning the drains and I promise you that the flooding will stop, and you can build a monument to yourself — end of headache.

There is a thread running through, and connecting, all these headaches. And it is not the thread of incompetence or corruption. This is a woollen thread — made from the wool of sheep who sit and listen to Manning’s nonsense and never question him. It is made from the wool of sheep whose homes and cars are ruined in floods, from frightened sheep huddled in their homes at night, from media sheep who report the same drivel every week without question.

We have two headaches in this country. One is the PNM and the other is the UNC. We hold the cure in our hands — we have the aspirin — so why don’t we take it?