Long Distance Relationships

But what if you couldn’t? What if you had to wait once a month, maybe even once a year, in order to feel those butterflies from their kiss again? Would your mind be on them continuously throughout the day without a break, or would you think of them less thus allowing you to focus on your work and forget just how great they make you feel? Whether you’ve been in a long distance relationship (LDR) before or not, almost everyone knows the added pressure that distance can add to a relationship, as if a regular relationship wasn’t hard enough as it is.

The stereotype is that women love to be up under their man, be able to share our emotions with you and constantly need reminders of your love, so it’s assumed that it would be harder for women to handle long distance relationships. However, Newsday’s WMN magazine wanted to know what guys think about being able to handle a long distance relationship. Instead of creating our own stereotypes of the matter, we went straight to the source.

After thinking about the question for a while, Damian Jones, a graphic design supervisor said, “One good thing about [long distance relationships] is that you can put your mind into focus. She can do what she has to do and I can do what I have to do but when we come together we [could] finish focus on that so we can focus on each other.” He continued, “Long distance relationships, like any other relationship, depends on people.

People make it seem like distance is the problem.

It all depends on the two people involved and the boundaries you set. Human beings are very adaptable.

We adapt ourselves to anything we put our minds to.” Men are portrayed as dogs, simply because they are seen to chase after anything with a skirt, but let’s be honest, there are some women who don’t fit that “loyal and committed” stereotype that is associated with the female gender. However, even in a relationship where distance is not a factor, trust is mandatory, so even more so in a long distance relationship. You have to be able to trust that your man is doing what he says he is doing and is following the guidelines that the both of you set for each other. Whether you choose to be completely exclusive, have an open relationship while you are away from one another, or call it quits when you leave, it is important that both you and your partner are on the same page from the beginning on exactly what you are expecting from one another.

Simeon Tafari (a pseudonym), 37, from Diego Martin also has personal experiences about the strength that it takes to be in an LDR. “It’s possible, I’ve done it myself. I’m married to the person I was in a long distance relationship with. We lived in different countries for a little bit and then we lived in [the US] but in different states.” He explained that his wife, is also from Trinidad so when they graduated from college they both moved back home and continued their life together.

“We would try to go see each other, talk on the phone a lot, keep the communication lines open.” With technology today, people are able to have Skype or FaceTime dates. Scheduling a set time for each other is important to the strength of any relationship and presents your commitment to one another. When asked if that were possible at the time that him and his then girlfriend were together, he said “No, because those were the days before cell phones. It was like if I call and you happen to answer, alright then I get through.” Admittedly, Simeon explained that there were times when he felt like it wasn’t going to work because within the three to four years apart, they saw each other about once a year. “I was open to a long distance relationship and she was, so I guess that alone made it work. I think it’s easier for guys because guys tend to block off emotions and feelings better than women can... You have to know yourself. If you know you personally could survive a long distance relationship” He continued “I always grew up with family that was in and out of the country so I guess I’m used to people not being around for long periods of time.

But I wouldn’t advise someone who knows that they are not capable of doing it to try it, there are a lot of temptations and frustrations that come along with long distance relationships.” With an opposing view, Cody Khan (a pseudonym), 31, is an IT Specialist from Tabaquite, feels that LDRs just aren’t possible, “They wouldn’t work. People in a serious relationship think it would work in the beginning but after a while the actual people in the relationship would see that it’s not working.” On whether or not he felt that technology and the internet could help to make things better, he stated, “[Technology] is not going to do anything. Yea I see you on Skype, but technology can only go so far, unless you’re freaky and you want to [do] the video stuff. It would help but not to the maximum… To be honest, a relationship in this 21st century, half of it, is based on physical contact. Unless you guys have this wait-untilmarriage business going on then it’s not going to work out. If it does work out then someone was lying to somebody.” Every relationship has its challenges but the strength of it is determined by the strength of the two people in it. Probably no one ever dreams of having a long distance relationship but if it is something that you and your partner comes to, the decision lies between the both of you being clear about what is possible. Be real about the challenges which may arise and whether or not you think your relationship and time are worth the fight.