What prison is FEAR keeping you trapped in?

So what exactly was I so afraid of that I would even turn down a free meal? I still have no idea (if I could go back in time I’d tell the younger me to tuck in!). While thankfully I never developed an eating disorder I did suffer with something called disordered eating for many years. Fear is a powerful thing, and fear of the unknown can be crippling. I’ll tell you what I’ve learnt from facing my worst fear, I can face and overcome anything. That’s a really liberating thing. The moment you realise that no matter what life throws at you, you’re going to be just fine is the moment you lose most of your limitations.

I’m famous for having friends from around the world.

My first married couple friends always tell the story of how the wife broke her ankle on their honeymoon.

How do you break your ankle on your honeymoon you ask? No it was not in vigorous pursuit of some tantric position. Rather my friend broke her ankle when her foot stuck in a crevice while climbing in ice caves in Antarctica. I told her back then that is the kind of injury you have to be white to have, since black people are so busy trying to survive we don’t have time, energy or resources for adventure like that. Terribly limiting thinking don’t you think? So now that my fat has taught me to be fearless and I know there is nothing to be afraid of, I’ve decided to remove the limits I put on myself because of fear. While I may not be spelunking in Arctic climes anytime in the near future, I can get out of my comfort zone and try something new and different. There’s really nothing to stop me. Lack of resources I can work around with some creative juggling. I come from a very academic family and collecting degrees is what we do. While in my limited thinking I have been pushing myself to prepare to apply to a PhD programme, the truth is in my heart I’d love to go to culinary school. I want to study what I’m passionate about for a change. I couldn’t even admit it because I know the reaction would not be positive from relatives. Guess what? I’ve decided quite decisively when I return to formal study I will be going to culinary school. It’s what I’m passionate about and I feel like it.

I’ve even gone as far as collecting prospectus brochures from different schools.

What prison is fear keeping you trapped in? A dysfunctional relationship, an unfulfilling job or a controlling family? Don’t let it! When it all boils down to it the greatest fear we all have it that we will really live up to our full potential. In a society where there are very clear cut rules and a lot of pressure to conform, individuals that break free face a lot of criticism. ‘Whaa happen to she? She feel she special or wha?’ or many other such comments cause us to hide our light so we don’t offend. HA, as if!!! I can assure you I have no intention of hiding the sparkling brilliance that is me as I move toward being the best me I can be. I’ve paid a high price to get here.

There’s nothing to be ashamed of in the hard work and effort I put in to get there, the risks I’ve taken and hard times I’ve endured and survived. As I come out on the other end a little wiser and more wary, I’ve also never been better or more amazing. I’m not being vain here, just truthful. The same thing applies to every one of us.

After a particularly difficult patch in my life, I had found my stride again and life was glorious. I had money in my pocket, a fabulous wardrobe and was travelling to some country or other every few months. While out with an old school friend one day she complained that when I walked I was walking like I was on a runway. Any woman that wears really high heels can tell you, there is a way to walk in them or you can get hurt. I was tall and slim, well dressed and walking in high heels. Rather than celebrate the fact that I had a spring in my step once more and I looked and felt good, my old classmate brought on the negativity. My response was that the street is my catwalk and I am unapologetically fabulous (No, that was not accompanied by a hair flip or a snap LOL).

As I begin to emerge from another really extended challenging period in my life, I have even less room for fear of any kind in my life. Life is for living, I won’t be passing here again and while I will not meet with success in everything I do, it won’t be for lack of trying and there is much to be learnt in failing as well. I’m not afraid to fall flat on my face publicly and I’m not afraid to remove the negative people (family or friends) from my life that feel threatened and constantly remind me to stay in my place. I’m not afraid anymore, I’ve faced my biggest fear head on and I’m just fine. I’ll take the chance and take the risk to get what I want out of life.

I’m not breaking the law, or going against my morals to live my life to the fullest so why is it so disturbing to others? Anyway as I get older I really care less and less about the opinions of people not close to me. I’m too busy living my life and everyone else should get busy living theirs too. So to the toxic and negative people, me achieving my dreams and striving for more doesn’t make me better than you, the things I do anyone willing to pay the price and make the sacrifice can do it too.

The energy you spend grumbling and trying to pull me down you could spend making yourself and your lot in life better too. To my detractor who had to resort to insulting me by pointing out my weight. Thank God I got fat, if I didn’t I’d still be living in fear and now that I’ve learnt the lesson, I can lose the weight… if I choose to.