Being an OCD mom How to cope

It is characterised by uncontrollable, unwanted thoughts and repetitive, ritualised behaviours you feel compelled to perform.

I’ve had it for as long as I can remember.

I’m constantly checking doors to ensure they are locked and the stove to make sure I turned it off. I frequently find myself silently counting everything – steps, heartbeats, you name it. I avoid stepping on cracks or any type of soiled areas on the sidewalk. You should see how gingerly I make my way along the sidewalk on the eastern side of RBC on Broadway in Port-of-Spain. Yes, the one that a number of homeless people use as their bedrooms and adjoining bathrooms.

I cannot go to sleep at night if there are dirty dishes in the kitchen sink, and I can never leave home without making up my bed.

But I think the symptoms that have distressed me the most since I have become a parent is the need to be constantly cleaning everything and everywhere, and trying to keep order – everything in its place.

For the past eight years, it has been an uphill battle. The toys strewn everywhere which way; the hand, foot and other body parts prints on the walls; the wet towels on the flooded bathroom floor, toothpaste and other unidentifiable substances lingering in the bathroom sink. Not to mention the always rumpled bed, the ant-covered droplets of ice cream on the kitchen counter and floor, and the trail of mud on the tiles after a “fun” time digging for treasure.

And in as much as I love being a parent, I have to admit it has been distressing because it seems that for the past eight years most of my life has been spent cleaning and picking up after my son, sometimes to the point where I get physically sick because I can’t relax. I just can’t function in mess of any type and my guess is that I’m not alone on this. So, what do members of the OCD parenting club do? The way I see it, parenting is hard enough as it is, and since I can’t or don’t really want to get rid of the boy, my best bet is to take on my OCD head on.

According to the experts, apart from medication, people with OCD need to invest in a bit of self care. Regular exercise, meditation and relaxation techniques, getting enough sleep, and staying in contact with friends and family can help.

Another powerful strategy is to eliminate the compulsive behaviours and rituals that keep the obsessions going. In my case, instead of cleaning the house first thing in the morning before I can do anything else, maybe I could engage in something a bit relaxing before I act on my compulsion. Well anything but Facebook, because that is another story by itself.

I recently embarked on a mom cave project that I think will be of tremendous help. The cave is not as big as I would like it to be, but it will work for now until the boy moves out and I can use his room as part of the development.

The wall colour is cool and airy, the couch is comfortable and I have little stereo system that is over 15 years old but still works. Except that it freezes up when the volume is turned up too loud, which works well for me because loud music is not my thing. There is enough space for yoga, and it is air conditioned. But the most important thing is that it is OFF LIMITS to anyone else in the house so it ALWAYS stays neat and clean. A retreat of sorts, where I will be spending many a day and night re-learning how to relax, at least after the dishes are washed and my bed is made up.

You didn’t expect me to quit cold turkey, did you?