Mrriage is holy

But more fundamentally, “holy” and “holiness” encompass that which is sacred, set aside for special use, separate or separated, and uniquely other.

It is these deeper truths and attributes of holiness that can be, and must be, applied to our marriages.

To understand and treat marriage as “unholy, common or equal to all other relationships” is to run the risk of not seeing it for what it is, or abusing it altogether - leading to individual or mutual frustrations.

Marriage is sacred, divinely given to us. For we did not design ourselves for marriage; we were outfitted for it by another. The blueprint includes not only physical, emotional and social dimensions, but also the spiritual. Therefore, what we are doing or not doing “spiritually together” matters! It cannot be ignored. In times of deep distress and difficulty, it is often the sanctity of matrimony that binds and takes us through, irrespective of the channels employed - prayer, worship or charitable works.

Marriage is “set aside for special use”, as most evident in its elevated sexuality – though many would want us to believe and venture otherwise.

To quote from a 2013 column edition “SEX Sells.

This is the firmly held belief by many and for some it is a clearly established fact. However, the sexual experiences that are most promoted and publicized in our movies, social media, artistic and cultural expressions are not those being enjoyed in healthy, maturing marriages. Is it because this most legitimate of all sexual experiences does not sell, or better yet, is this sex that CANNOT be sold and bought? What gives marital sex its “most legitimate” status is that it is a physical fusion activity expressing, reflecting and reinforcing an inner psychological, emotional and spiritual fusion relationship – the marriage itself. All other sexual expressions fall short of this exquisite standard. But experiencing the ecstasy of this exquisite standard does not come easily.” Marriage is “separate or separated” from the other relationships we experience. These embrace those everyday “casual relationships” of personal greetings with no further interaction intended; “working relationships” in which our knowledge of others evolves from constantly working with them; “bonding relationships” of parent and child, mentormentee, as well as intimate friendships, which together determine our self-image, worldview, life goals and destinations and in large measure, who we are.

Marriage is distinct from the above. For there is not only an increasing, intimate interaction between “the two”, but also a merging of the two different worldviews, life goals and destinations, even self-images, into a lived-out, fusing “one”. It is an interfacing in which “performance” determines “quality of”, but never the “reason for”, being together. It is an assimilation that recognises and accepts we are “fault-prone” humans desperately trying to truly love another “faltering” human being; with all the Divine and other-people help we can meaningfully utilise.

Hence marriage must be that “unique other”, having its own principles, practices and ecosystem to live by. A marriage is best grounded in the cornerstone of “unconditional love” and rises upward as we strive to make our particular differences work for, instead of against us. In the wedding vows, marriage is referred to as the “holy estate” which should be entered into “not unadvisedly, but thoughtfully.” Yet the rewarding, life-giving, light that warmly radiates from mature or maturing marriages far “out-influences” and outshines the light emanating from any other “holy” object, space or time. It is the rich inner-workings of this marital light that we must pass to the next generation, before the chilling, isolation of “device-driven”, virtual world becomes irreversible!