Growing up too soon

“Who told you that?” I asked, to which he responded matter-offactly, “Nobody. I just figured it out. Do you want to know how?” A nod from me. “Remember last year when I asked him (Santa) for an Xbox and I didn’t get it? You said Santa couldn’t afford it because he has so many kids to give presents to. I just thought, if he has all this magic and gives all these presents, then he could easily give me an Xbox. I actually think YOU didn’t have the money to buy it THAT’S why I didn’t get it.” There was no disputing that fact.

A feeling of sadness fell over me. Because apart from Santa being one of my biggest bargaining tool when it came to convincing my son to do or not do certain things, the reality of what was happening hit me like a runaway sleigh – my little bo y is growing up. The same way I felt when he traded in Spider Man for the Avengers. I tell you, packing and giving away the web slinger paraphernalia felt like I was giving away pieces of my heart.

The feeling reared its head again when I was forbidden to kiss him or show any type of affection in public, and again when he chose the computer over cuddling with me. And I know come Christmas morning the feeling will linger on the periphery because the magical Santa experience will be a thing of the past.

Don’t get me wrong though, it’s not that I don’t want him to grow up. On the contrary. I feel a sense of elation and pride with every single of his accomplishments. His first day of school; birthdays; losing his teeth; his first time on a real stage performing at his music school concert (I bore my headache with pride). I want to live to see him enjoy his life to the fullest. To graduate at every academic level. To meet his first, second, third, fourth … girlfriend. To see him excel in the career of his choice.

To see his face when he meets his first baby.

I have lost count of how many times, whether jokingly or during some of our most heated arguments, I’ve said “I can’t wait until you’re a teenager and only come out of your room for food!” – so I can get a little time to myself. Or “You will understand when you’re old enough to get a job” – when I can’t afford one of his must haves. Or “So how many grandchildren are you going to give Mummy?” – when I’m feeling super sentimental about his babyhood.

The point is that as a parent you’ve nurtured this little person from conception, and sometimes the thought of them needing you less and less as they grow from infancy into childhood, adolescence into adulthood can be overwhelming. You wish you could protect them from hurt; sadness; danger; disappointment...

forever.

Counselling psychologist Dr Annette Joseph says this feeling is quite normal and advises parents to view parenting as an act of preparing their children for adulthood. “Preparation for adulthood begins from birth. At every stage you are training your child to be a good individual, and as a parent it brings a sense of joy when you see them fulfilling their destiny.” The feeling of dread that comes with the observation of growing-up changes doesn’t have to be so dreadful, she says, if you keep the lines of communication open – verbal and non verbal – and remain a relevant go-to person in the entire scheme of things.

“Have conversations with your children. Give them a voice. Allow them to talk. You may be the one to initiate those conversations but it allows them to look at you in a different light. As someone they can talk to about things, even personal things.” Dr Joseph identifies small pocket of opportunities that parents usually take for granted, but which, if used effectively, can wield power in gaining access into their children’s minds. “Having a meal together can make a big difference in the lives of children. It’s a good discussion time,” she opines. “And no matter how busy a parent is they should make time to play with children,” she adds.

“Every home should have a board game, be it Scrabble, Monopoly or whatever. Over play you sometimes see the real person come out.” And for parents who are spiritually inclined, she emphasises praying with their children. “You can’t leave out the spiritual.” Another way in which parents can be a part of the growing-up change is via family nights. “Ideally it should be at least once a week, but with people’s schedules these days, once per month could work. Whether you go out or stay at home and do something it doesn’t matter. The bottom line is that you will be bonding and building memories,” – memories that children will take with them through their various stages of life, and that parents can hold onto as they watch their babies soar.

I couldn’t help but notice, though, that with all his signs of growing up my offspring has not yet ascribed “myth” status to the Tooth Fairy. My guess is that he never will. And, why would he? Quick and easy cash a few times a year until all the baby teeth are gone, without having to be Nice.

By Carol Quash When kids no longer believe in Santa up too soon “Santa is a myth! So, what are YOU getting me for Christmas?” I was taken aback and it took me a few seconds to gather my thoughts before responding to my soon-to-be eight-year-old going on 20.

“Who told you that?” I asked, to which he responded matter-offactly, “Nobody. I just figured it out. Do you want to know how?” A nod from me. “Remember last year when I asked him (Santa) for an Xbox and I didn’t get it? You said Santa couldn’t afford it because he has so many kids to give presents to. I just thought, if he has all this magic and gives all these presents, then he could easily give me an Xbox. I actually think YOU didn’t have the money to buy it THAT’S why I didn’t get it.” 10