#LifeInLeggings Putting the spotlight on a patriarchal society

Over 40 women have lost their lives in TT this year alone, and of that number many knew their murderers personally – perhaps shared lives, children, dreams, and aspirations with the same men. Rosemarie is but one. By her children, she will be remembered as a mother whose death was avoidable but by the public – supposedly the fiercest, if not fairest, court of judgment in TT – how will she and these women be remembered?

One in three women in this country has experienced a form of gender-based violence (GBV) before turning the age of 18. That statistic alone means each and every one of us knows a victim or has fallen victim ourselves. Startling views that women must hold their safety in the clutches of their very hands prevail to this very writing.

In May, Nerissa Goora was stabbed to death on her walk home in Tamana Hill. Four men were subsequently arrested in relation to the gruesome murder. At Nerissa’s funeral, which took place at her family home, the pundit overseeing her final rites urged young women and mothers to be their sisters’ keepers. He also urged women to think carefully before leaving their homes to go to work or shopping, to always travel in groups, and to not “take chances” walking down lonely roads as Nerissa did in her final moments of life.

In the case of Rosemarie Blackburn, officers pleaded with members of the public to report all domestic abuse violations, especially if the perpetrator of such abuses owns a licensed firearm such as Rosemarie’s husband.

Such affects and thoughts from men in power seem to be plentiful at the demise of women, a steady stream of thoughtful ingenuity and brash protective solutions that flow as easily as the waters rushing from the Mitan River out to sea.

In March, it was in this very river the body of 26-year-old Eden Teesdale was found in a barrel, decapitated. Her body was identified by a tattoo of her astrological sign – Leo, the lion – and her head was never found. Relatives wept in shock and grieved at the loss of their beautiful sister. Cousins reported that she was carefree and beautiful and attracted the ardor of more than one male suitor. They also expressed their thoughts that Eden’s death was a crime of passion, a crime of GBV. A brother of Eden’s was reported as commenting that they were not close and never disclosed personal information about their lives with each other; it seems he was exonerated in this knowledge of his lack of knowledge.

At every turn, the men in these women’s lives failed them, not only in death. Our society is patriarchal in nature (consisting of systems, institutions, and cultures that are controlled and upheld by men) – men hold the highest offices, the are paid more, they are not disproportionately exposed to the threat of violence against their bodies and personhoods. This inequality also means an unbalanced distribution of power, with men at the helm of most of our nation’s decisions – and murders. As Jacquie Burgess, president of Millennium Sistahs TT, states, “Men are in the majority as perpetrators, as well as ‘blame and shame’. Men must admit that there is a problem that they can contribute in solving.” Jacquie posits that men should not only take introspective routes as to the ways they can change ingrained thoughts and actions but as well as taking responsibility to call on their brothers and perpetrators to hold themselves accountable, “rather than seeming to support by inaction and omission.” This “inaction and omission” is, in fact, the most insidious of GBV infractions as it is presented as being a “good man”; a man who never disrespects women with unwarranted catcalls or lurks in darkness waiting for the opportune moment to maim, rape, and kill. But the inability to call out men – especially by other men, the holders of power in our patriarchal society – is what continues the deadly cycle.

Troves of examples of women’s harassment at the hands of strange men only stopping when they voice they “have a man” are commonplace. Men lack basic respect for women, for their bodies, for their spaces, yet the thought that a woman is “owned” by another man quells their thirst. They respect the thought of a hypothetical boyfriend, husband, another man, more than the humanity of the woman standing, in the flesh, before them.

And it is not only men who uphold misogynistic and patriarchal notions. Amanda McIntyre, co-director of WOMANTRA, shared a moving post on social media of the GBV she was subjected to over the course of her intimate relations with a woman, through the Life In Leggings hashtag. She also admits that what was shared was just a fraction of her experiences in the same relationship. “Being a director in a feminist organisation did not exempt me from being a victim,” she states clearly. She praises the Life In Leggings movement as it also highlights rape culture: a critical aspect of misogyny that dutifully establishes ideas of male entitlement and feminine subordination. “It is the collective acceptance of norms and values that privilege men in their interactions with women and girls; it is the belief that women exist primarily for male satisfaction,” Amanda says, giving the example of something as “harmless” as a man asking a woman to smile.

For years, many organisations have been working tirelessly to bring an end to GBV and the inequality of women in our nation. Amanda says the work is tireless, and several coalitions exist with the purpose of spreading awareness and bringing about legislative change toward the end of women’s oppression.

Community worker and director of Idakeda Group, Attillah Springer, keeps things in perspective and brings our current climate surrounding the views of women back to our past. “Caribbean society is founded on violence, conquest, genocide, and the exploitation of black and brown bodies. It is against that historical backdrop that we have to consider the sense of entitlement men have to women’s bodies, the expectation that children have to be beaten into submission, the assumption that women will take responsibility for everything and accept blame whether or not they ‘step out of line’,” she says of the way women and girls have been subject to victimhood trickling from our colonial history. This is not to say that women are all victims, but that our mere understanding of the role of the woman has been conditioned throughout our histories. Attillah says education is a key part of the social change to come. “How about we start training men in our society form a young age that women’s bodies are not their property?”

Educational reform was a key point at the “She Look Fuh Dat” discussion at Big Black Box on December 10. Several audience members commented on the need for additions to school syllabuses that include sex education. Amanda points out that a coalition of activists will be following up with the Ministry of Education of the application for a comprehensive sex, gender, and sexuality curriculum in schools, as well as community intervention.

But these processes may take years, or frankly forever. For too long, many have decried national institutions for completely bypassing the need for proper sexual health education to be taught in schools, although schools hold some of the most vulnerable persons in our society – youth who absolutely need knowledge and understanding of their bodies, of notions of consent (the ideal that permission and agreement is necessary in all social interactions), and how their bodies and feelings are important and equal to another’s.

This is not to say “all men” are at fault, but all men do have a responsibility. Ronelle King, one of the founders of #LifeInLeggings says, “Toxic masculinity encourages men to abuse, exploit, dominate, and silence women in order to maintain superiority and enforce traditional roles for women.” Yet, she points out these gender “norms” are as damaging as they are to women as men; men are therefore forced to conform to roles of endless machismo, repression of emotions, and unhealthy interpersonal interactions. These may not harm men in similar physical ways as is the case for countless women but their psychological selves are obliterated in the process, a possibility that is far more dangerous as seen by their murderous actions.

While the term “feminism” still leaves men fearful, the ideology seeks to be inclusive of the civil rights and equality of all men and women. It is not a woman’s only movement neither is it exclusive to only certain social groups or genders. “Feminism aims to end the exploitation, discrimination, and oppression of people due to their gender, race, class, sexual orientation,” elaborates Ronelle, stating the importance for men to join the movement.

The groundwork starts in each of our homes – the physical home where our families reside and the home that is our body. Introspection is necessary to end the stigma that any woman who has been abused, raped, or killed “look fuh dat”. Boys, especially, are the most vulnerable and susceptible to misogyny. The ingrained hatred of the feminine, of girls and women, of their emotions and self-expression is what leads to the monstrosity of society, not women who wear short skirts. We must all hold ourselves accountable for the wayward path we lead them down by enforcing gender rules and stereotypes that are oppressive to a person’s most fundamental self. We must engage in honest conversations about why these beliefs and cultures are harmful, as well as brutally honest about the alternative: the grooming of murderers, rapists, and batterers.

On a Monday not long ago, a 20-year-old woman disappeared. Her body was found three days later amongst boxes in a warehouse. She did not exist for the sole purpose of the male gaze, she did not act with hopes of being brutalised, she did not seek her end. Shannon Banfield will never be able to share her story of GBV – along with the lost lives of all women on our shores. They may not have wanted anybody’s protection, they may have made independent decisions that disregarded “safe” practices, they may have been “wild” and as untamable as the wind but none of them were asking for it. None.

These lost lives, and the girls and women who are subjected to violence everyday, deserve our action. They cannot survive anymore on simple understanding and the good behaviour of a few men. We must act against and in solidarity for an overhaul of our social constructs that imagine they “look fuh dat” as a means of wiping the collective consciousness of the true brutality we are complicit to.

This is the second of a two-part series on the #LifeInLeggings movement and GBV in the Caribbean.