Perception and deception

In a farcical escalation of the everyday deception indulged in by people on dating websites who put pictures on their profile that are of someone better looking, slimmer or cooler, images shared on social media were really of Finland and Slovakia. Perhaps they thought no one would notice.

After all, they must know social media extends to every nook and cranny of the earth; did they think nobody was looking at a little Baltic state that has never won the World Cup or Miss World and has at no time put a man on the moon? In a commendable show of gallantry, the head of the state tourism department, Jurgita Kazlauskiene, has stepped down, as well she might. Her online photos show her looking like a Soviet spy, but of course she can’t help that. Presumably she is now going to have to do a bit of falsifying on her CV in order to get another job.

Tourism? Pah! Not me – I was in the espionage business, which is far more honest than public relations.

It might not have been her idea, of course, but if she was in charge of the department, she clearly wasn’t doing much in the cause of transparency.

The least she could have done was draw fake moustaches and black in some teeth in the pictures, or perhaps alter the names on street signs; even if she doesn’t have the technical skills to use Photoshop, some of her staff must.

It’s enough to make us doubt even ourselves, because which of us hasn’t indulged in a teeny bit of embellishment or erasing at some point? People do it when marketing apartments and hotels: they walk around the property, camera in hand, looking for an angle that will eliminate the traffic-choked main road that runs right in front of it. They take interior shots that make the rooms look cavernous.

What they don’t do is substitute a picture of the Taj Mahal or a huge white mansion that looks like something out of Gone With The Wind.

And why don’t they do that? Because somebody might recognise it and smell a rat.

Anyway, it’s not as if Lithuania was an ugly place. It’s a bit short of palm trees and waves breaking gently on pure white sand, but not everyone is looking for those things.

We like to present ourselves in the best possible light. Caribbean nations are keen to sustain the world’s image of them as carefree, pristine places, and the world is happy to play along.

People like to imagine it’s all hammocks strung between coconut trees and smiling male beanpoles flirting with slinky, exotic girls.

Think of France and the stock view is of outdoor cafes in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower, where sophisticated, Gauloise-smoking men eat frogs’ legs and drink Burgundy while quietly coveting their neighbour’s wife.

We don’t want to think of that all being blown to pieces by a Muslim extremist driving a stolen lorry into a crowd. We would rather bask in the traditional image.

What is the USA? It’s a land where anyone can be successful. Canada? Quiet, cold and welcoming. Australia? Unpretentious people who have barbecues seven days a week while Aborigines play with Skippy out in the bush. What’s Jamaica like? It’s full of peaceful rastafarians and broadly- grinning cricketers — and Bob Marley is still alive.

Trinidad? It’s all about steel drums; never mind where all the barrels that made the drums came from. Oil industry? That’s for ugly places. Guns? Have you ever seen a calypso singer brandishing one? As for the UK, the global perspective is still that it’s just England, because Scotland is separate, Wales doesn’t really exist and Northern Ireland is just a geographical technicality.

Nope, it’s England, birthplace of Sir Winston Churchill, Ian Botham and Adele; it’s a place where policemen are known as Bobbies and patrol the peaceful streets on bicycles.

If Tobago — now under new management and eager to prosper — were to misrepresent itself, it wouldn’t be by showing someone else’s beaches, because it has its own and they’re as good as any in the world.

What it probably will do, when the new tourism bigwigs get their feet under the table, is present itself as a vibrant place. It will try to project an image of what it would like to be, or what it thinks people would like it to be. Perhaps someone will want to get rid of the website called Tobago Safe Again, because what does that imply? T h e cynics in the outside world may think t h e r e ’ s s o m e - thing they h a v e n’ t been told.