Rational thoughts

In this country, people with rational minds are like people who have herpes. Neither lets anyone know what they have, since both conditions cause embarrassment. In both situations, outbreaks occur: the person with herpes gets sores when their resistance to the virus gets low, while the rationalist gets sore when their resistance to dotishness gets low. When people do find out, they react to the rationalist in the same way as to the herpes sufferer: either with a sort of uncomfortable sympathy or with outright rejection. If, however, the persons with herpes or rationalism are attractive enough or rich enough for other people to become intimate with them, the other people mostly use some sort of protection. With the herpes sufferer, they usually use a condom and, with the rationalist, they usually use a Holy Book and a condom. (After all, who would want to be the parent to a little rationalist? Clearly, the child would have more trouble in life than Selwyn Cudjoe at a Conference for Academic Meritocracy.)

Although I have managed to avoid contracting any sexually transmitted diseases, I have never made any secret of my rationalism. This shocks many people, though mostly ones who aren’t half as appalled at racial prejudice, paedophile priests, or the belief that a woman should be stoned to death for adultery. Interestingly, because I do not believe in baseless blather, I am sometimes called a cynic. To this my usual response is to quote Ambrose Bierce, who in The Devil’s Dictionary defined a cynic as  “A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.” Yet I do, in fact, have a clear vision of how things ought to be: but most women I meet refuse to help me achieve it. Even so, having as I do naturally curly hair, I can afford to be boldfaced about my rationalism. Except for Hindu fanatics, everyone knows that naturally curly hair confers a singular advantage in life. Were it not for that, though, it’d be easy for me to be defeatist. You see, it’s depressing to discover that even supposedly intelligent people in this place are impervious to rational argument. Present them with evidence that contradicts their pet views, and they advise you not to read so many books: I call this the spoilt-Bratt syndrome. Others are just plain dishonest, saying I said things I never said in order to refute arguments I never made: I call this the straw-Marion technique. On the other hand, the attempts to reject rationalism can sometime be very amusing, like the born-again Christian who once wrote to tell me that my beliefs were wrong because “in 1950 in Houston, Texas there was a supernatural light photographed that science can’t explain to this day.” I certainly had no answer to that one.

Mind you, this enmity towards rationalism is not unique to our society. In the introduction to his book Sceptical Essays, the philosopher Bertrand Russell wrote: “I wish to propose for the reader’s favourable consideration a doctrine which may, I fear, appear wildly paradoxical and subversive. The doctrine in question is this: that it is undesirable to believe a proposition when there is no ground whatever for supposing it true. I must, of course, admit that if such an opinion became common it would completely transform our social life and political system; since both are at present faultless, this must weigh against it. “I am also aware (what is more serious) that it would tend to diminish the incomes of clairvoyants, bookmakers, bishops and others who live on the irrational hopes of those who have done nothing to deserve good fortune here or hereafter.” This was written 75 years ago about England but, given its relevance to present-day Trinidad — where psychics get full-page interviews in the newspapers and “What you dream?” is a serious question and clerics praise God for destroying homosexuals — it’s a fair measure of how far we really are on the road to Vision 2020. After all, Patrick Manning is a man who believes in prayer, not proof. Me, I believe the opposite. The difference between the rational man and the superstitious man is that the rational man can be convinced of anything. You might think it would be the opposite, but not so. Present me with reliable evidence and a logical argument and I will believe whatever I am told: especially if the person presenting the proposition is a shapely woman in low-rider jeans. (This addendum is quite rational: good packaging is an important part of persuasion.) On the other hand, it is virtually impossible to convince a superstitious person that a coin has no memory, telepathy is nonsense, and demons don’t exist. I must admit, though, that I sometimes envy the certainties of irrationality. There are even practical advantages to it: you get to sit on official committees on race relations, conduct seminars on self-esteem, and have private meetings with the Prime Minister. No wonder, then, that almost all the people who promote ignorance in this society drive better cars than me. It makes me wonder if naturally curly hair is really enough, and if the irrational people are actually smarter than me.

In this state, I once thought of joining Rationalists Anonymous, a support group for people who are addicted to empiricism and logic. I thought they might have a 12-step programme to cure rationality.
You know: (1) become a politician; (2) listen to Pastor Cuffie; (3) join the Maha Sabha or the Emancipation Support Committee; (4) go to a reflexologist; (5) speak in tongues; (6) write in jargon; (7) badtalk evolutionary theory; (8) read feminist literature; (9) straighten hair; (10) preach abstinence; (11) support the death penalty; (12) repeat Step #1.
Much to my surprise, though, I discovered that no such organisation exists in Trinidad and Tobago. I guess there aren’t enough rational people in this place to form a group. So I’ll just have to continue along my path, hoping to increase our small numbers through my writing and taking comfort from something Albert Einstein once said: “The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.”

E-mail: kbaldeosingh@hotmail.com
Website: www.caribscape.com/baldeosingh