Love letters of Dwight, Russell...

As the Red Stripe Bowl comes to an end, bringing long hours of reading in the garden or on the beach, it’s time to bring you another round-up of the best of the fabulous new books on offer in the Dancing Brave Literary Bookstore. Love Letters of Dwight, Russell and Brian, edited by Patrick Richfuhso, Saucy Press, $429.99 TT. The nation thrilled to the revelations of the three-sided love-hate relationship between Yorke, Latapy and Lara, and now this tempestuous menage a trois spawns another major best seller. “You are the two finest people I know,” writes Dwight in one particularly lovely passage, “so let’s have an end to this crass vendetta or I’ll come round and kick your heads in.” The language of passion indeed.
 
CRICKET — a Lost Leader? By Patrick Borefuhso, Geriatric Press, $22,229.99 JAM. Nobody has ever been sure whether cricket was an inspired leader or a hard-hearted monster that sent thousands of West Indian fans to their unnecessary sleepless nights. Was he an inspired tactician? Or a buffoon who blundered through his years in command before someday being replaced? Borefuhso wrote this book without notes, never pausing to take a rest, keeping his eye on the screen so obviously there are lots of  “ums” and “ers,” but the achievement is magnificent. He never quite makes up his mind about cricket — the last half of the book is about the Trinidad and Tobago Cricket Board and Barbados Cricket Board, suggest he couldn’t keep his mind on the subject. But it is neverless than gripping a ball somewhere, sometime, somehow.

The Fake Seow Book of the Eclipse of Trinidad Football by Patrick Wrongfuhso, Trincity Press, $329.99 TT. Thought that nobody could think of another reason for writing a book of balderdash about Fake Seow in Football? Think again! Wrongfuhso (a pseudonym?) has devoted a whole book to where we should be on August 11, which way we should be facing, why we should not have a football official next to us at anytime and what to tell your son if he should ask about football during the hours of darkness. He also has a list of approved names for Eclipse Babies. The Post-Feminist Netball Cookbook by Patricia Oversizefuhso, Posh Press, $129.99 TT. Fans of her planned outrageous TV cookery programme, in which Patricia throws ingredients round the kitchen at other members of the Netball Federation and often at members of the netball audience she can’t stand, will love this boisterous collection of her favourite recipes, swear words and ideas for cooking garden flowers instead of playing with sticks. Oversizefuhso has always maintained that alongside the famous male chefs of netball women  history there have been talented female cooks who don’t spoil the brook, who have been forgotten because they weren’t pushy enough. Not this one. The Tadpole in History by Dr Patrick Singhfuhso, $39.99TT. “The thinking behind this little volume dedicated to the place of the tadpole swimmer in history is that if people could write best-selling books about such minimal historical subjects as the cod, the tulip and longitude,” writes Dr Singfuhso in his introduction, “maybe I could get away with writing a best-seller about the young of the frog and a swimmer who swims extremely good, but can’t find any sponsor.” And so he has. His chapter on Napoleon and Frogspawn is a classic stating the sort of dictatorship in Trinidad swimming that leads to talent going elsewhere.
  
An Unsuitable Book by Rev Patrick Seethingfuhso, Pumping Press, $129.99 TT. Seethingforso’s sprawling new novel is about the tragic figure of a writer cut off from the world for half a dozen years, unable to leave his home except to dash out and make occasional broadcasts.This sportswriter, confined to his own quarters by slow sales of the daily newspaper, is getting older and balder, is gradually consumed by the idea that pop music is important in sport, a fit subject for a grown-up to be interested in. When he comes out of exile he writes an enormous novel set in the world of pop music, because nobody dares tell him it’s a non-starter. His message seems to be: Buy a few CDs as I can’t write and get a life. Women Are From Venus; Men are From a Service Area on the Arima Race Track by Patrick Southfuhso $2,350 TT. Southfuhso’s theory about the sexes is disarmingly simple. If you write a book with the word “men” in the title and also the word “women,” he thinks, you almost certainly have a horseracing best seller on your hands. And he seems to be right, as there is so much mauve langue and comess in horseracing, it is akin to a women’s gossip fashion show. Even some south men are behaving as if they wear skirts after dark.Most colts love fillies, just like humans, both in and out of their own stalls.
 
My Sort of Antigua by General Patrick Muckingfuhso, Rambler Press, $529.99 EC. The distinguished Antiguan statesman and thinker has been living a secluded life in a leafy suburb of his country for a while and has had ample opportunity to explore the byways of this still rural part of the West Indies, unaccompanied. He still thinks that his native land takes some beating, but has grown very fond of Life in the Sun-dale on television and radio and vastly prefers it to his current position. It is a shame, he says, that such pretty islands as the West Indies are overcrowded — a few more cricketing people should be “disappeared.” he jokes, so you don’t keep bumping into them. Did he ever bump into the West Indies Cricket Board? He doesn’t say. A Miss Universe of Sport by Dancing Brave — not printed —Free. Be a local journalist or public official and expect no admission at the United States run Miss Universe rubbish show, held in Trinidad to fool a many and make a few very wealthy, almost like football matches at the Hasely Crawford Stadium. Don’t fear the Brave will have his own Miss Universe competition, which will be fairly open to all and not made merely to exploit the people of Trinidad and Tobago. The judges are all Trinis. Please sent a 12 x 10 picture, with your name, address, age and e-mail to Sunday Newsday. All applicants will be contacted. For the best website management and change manage check cornelis-associates.com