Control Yourself

ABOUT ONCE a week I come across a sob story in the daily newspapers with a headline like “Mother of 14 seeks assistance,” accompanied by a picture of the said mother with a weepy look on her face, and her story usually goes something like this: “A mother of 14 from Nowheresville, Trinidad is crying out for help from any kind people who can assist her. She and her 14 children live in a one room shack in a broken down wooden house being eaten by termites that is on the verge of collapse. “When the mother of 14 visited our offices, she wailed of the poverty the family lives in. ‘My husband is de sole breadwinner, because I does have to take care of de chirren, and I can’t afford to send dem to school or even buy dem clothes,’ she sobbed.

“Her husband sells chive in the market but barely makes enough to buy food for his wife and 14 children. The children range in age from one to 16 and cannot read or write as the family cannot afford to buy uniforms or books to send their children to school. “This needy mother is begging for any kind of assistance from the general public, such as clothes, shoes or food. Those good Samaritans wishing to assist this family of 14 can make a donation to XYZ bank, account number 123456789.” Well here’s a novel idea for all these people who come to the newspapers wailing about not being able to feed and clothe their gigantic family... STOP HAVING KIDS! Listen, I understand that living out in the middle of nowhere behind God’s back can be a little boring, and thus the natural tendency to entertain each other in the bedroom, but for goodness sake, where does it end? Haven’t these people ever heard of a little thing called birth control, or at least self control? Will they ever stop having children?

Or will these families just keep reproducing until the mother goes through menopause and can no longer get pregnant? I think it is a wonderful thing if you can have a large family — in fact it’s a beautiful thing. I come from a very small family and am accustomed to small turnouts on Christmas Day, and I always get a kick out of visiting friends who have 30 or more people in their house for big events. If you can afford to have more kids than you can count on one hand, that is fantastic, go right ahead. But if you live in a shack, with no running water, and you can’t afford to buy clothes or even send your first child to school, what are you thinking going and having 12 more children? It’s like these women get pregnant once a year and remain in an eternal state of reproduction — pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, weaning and then pregnancy again. It’s like they become baby machines who will only quit when they are unable to work anymore.

And what about the quality of life for these 14 children they bring into the world? These children cannot read or even write their own names, they will never go to school and get an education and they will never be able to get a job other than the job their parents teach them how to do. They are condemned to a life of selling limes on the side of the highway when what they should be doing is enjoying their childhood, making friends and expanding their little minds. They will never be able to get a driver’s licence and when they get sick (as was the case of Noel Lochan who also came from a large impoverished family) they will not be able to go to a doctor. They will probably never get a passport or travel or leave Nowheresville, and they will grow up to perpetuate the cycle, and probably have ten kids of their own who will do the same exact thing, and on, and on, and on. 

Many people are averse to birth control and think it wrong to prevent the miracle of life from taking its natural course. A lot of men are opposed to using the male condom for a variety of reasons (many to do with their egos). Or perhaps the reproductively-inclined belong to some kind of specific religious persuasion that restricts birth control and considers it a sin. But I have little sympathy for people who cannot responsibly plan their family. Just because a woman can potentially get pregnant once a month, and thus potentially conceive, give birth and conceive again all in the space of twelve months, does not mean that she should.

If a couple thinks it a sin to disrupt nature by taking birth control, they can at least use the Rhythm Method and practise a little self control. I know that it is not as simple as that — I am sure many of these baby machines do not want to be eternally pregnant but lack the power to say no to their husbands and often have little choice about becoming pregnant. But that is another issue for another column. In any case, I say to these parents of families with too many children and not enough money, to maybe take up a hobby. Find something — anything — to do with their spare time instead of spending Sunday afternoons listening to tabanca music on the radio and getting pregnant!