Fatherhood — big honour, big responsibility

The very length of our lives, and our general well being, depend on how we honour our parents (Exod 20:12) . . . The father must guide, guard and govern. In addition, he must protect, direct and correct.

Whoever came up with the idea of Father’s Day has done quite a service to humanity. The same applies to Mother’s Day. We know that the world of commerce can, in certain respects, make a mess out of many a good thing. Nevertheless, to set aside a specific day to focus on the honour of a parent is a marvellous thing. The Holy Scripture tell us (actually it’s the fifth of the Ten Commandments) that the very length of our lives, and our general well being, depend on how we honour our parents (Exod 20:12). “Honour thy father and thy mother that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth” (Deut 5:16). Fathers must however recognise that their honourable role and status carry a commensurate degree of responsibility. In the discharge of this function, consistent with the attached honour, it will be necessary for the father to identify specific areas of responsibilities and categorise accordingly.

To be truly successful, the father must be several things to his offspring. These include:
• Parent: Among the features of God, possessed by man, fatherhood is perhaps the most distinctive. God is called Father. He could have retained a monopoly on this awesome position by effecting procreation via His own sovereignty, as He made the first man. He has therefore empowered man to procreate and thereby share the revered status of fatherhood. Fatherhood now belongs to both man and God. For this reason the Scriptures say, “Children are a heritage of the Lord . . .” (Ps 127:3). Children being “the heritage of the Lord,” have divine destiny and purpose attached to their lives. The parent has the very awesome responsibility of ensuring that all systems are in place so that God’s plan, in this regard, is fulfilled.

• Mentor: Apart from being mentally aware of his role as parent, the father has to actively and functionally provide the required nurturing, care and guidance in the spirit of a mentor. He must have the patience, love and keen sense of discernment to identify critical all-round needs in his child, and be willing and able to address same in a meaningful way.

• Friend: Both “parenting” and mentoring can have a flavour of rigidity which may not be conducive to the healthiest development of the child. There will be the need for a less formal, more casual and softer quality of relationship between father and child — son or daughter. Rules without relationship lead to resistance and rebellion. The rigidness of rules must be tempered by the relaxation of relationship — friend-type relationship. There is a place where a child should have such a relationship with daddy that he/she can feel free to tell him “anything.” It is important though, that the father-friend role have some boundaries. If he is more friend than father, then daddy runs the risk of losing the important authority and respect essential for effective fathering.  If the relationship reaches the stage where he has lost the authority to discipline or correct when necessary, then he is on dangerous territory. There must be that balance between tender and tough love.

• Role model: The Scriptures instruct: “Train up a child in the way that he should go, so when he is old he will not depart from it” (Pro 22:6). Primarily, teaching is telling but training is showing. The father must lead by example. Don’t be like the father who told me, “Pastor, pray for my son, the boy has wicked intentions, he taking (sic) my rum and drinking it.” The responsible father knows that for him there is never a case of, “Do as I say, but not as I do.” He knows that if he were to practise such double-standards, his actions would speak so loudly that his offspring would not hear what he was saying.

• “High priest”: Real fathers don’t merely send their children to church, they take them, and set the example in fellowship. Real fathers understand that the family that prays together, stays together. In this context, he also understands that he is, according to Scripture, the “high priest” of the home to provide spiritual leadership and covering. The father has to be the chief intercessor for his family. By so doing, he would also make himself available to the Lord to be used as a channel of blessing for his household. The blessing (or curses) “of the fathers” shall follow the children to the third and fourth generation” (Exod 20:15).

• Provider: “If a man does not provide for his house, he is worse than an infidel and has denied the faith” (1 Tim 5:8). You couldn’t get it more clearly. The responsibility for providing financially and materially for the family rests fundamentally upon the shoulders of the father — not the mother.

If the woman plays a part in providing, that’s all well and good. We must be grateful for her generous contribution. But she is no substitute for the man’s responsibility as the family provider. The father’s God-given assignment is indeed an awesome, challenging and broad-based one. He must guide, guard and govern. In addition, he must protect, direct and correct. With God’s grace, it can all be nicely accomplished with richly fulfilling joy. Happy Father’s Day!