Ups and downs of criticism

CRITICISMS are classified as either constructive or destructive; the challenge however, is how they are levelled against people and the negative and/or positive impact of same.

Constructive criticisms offer valid and pointed opinions regarding the actions or work of others; these are usually articulated in a friendly manner rather than an oppositional one, as the purpose is to improve desired outcomes. Destructive criticisms, on the other hand, are intended to inflict harm and destruction on another’s reputation and self-esteem.

When one decides to offer criticisms on an issue, attention must be paid to the level of sensitivity involved because remember, it is human beings communicating with each other. Through the work of the International Women’s Resource Network, which allows my team to interact with the widest cross-section of women possible, we’re receiving more and more complaints from some women which pierce every corner of their psyche due to the negativity that they’re faced with on an ongoing basis, as a result of destructive criticisms.

We need to be at all times cognisant of the fact that each individual is unique in many aspects of co-existence, and therefore, it is important to exercise prudence before criticising.

For purposes of today’s feature, I’d like to spend some time reviewing the downside of criticism.

Offering destructive criticisms also throw negative energies towards persons so affected, by its very nature, such criticisms are potentially dangerous as they are able to impede the self-esteem and self-worth of others, which ultimately changes how they view themselves and those around them. Research has shown that the act of lashing out at another is a defence mechanism used to treat with some other issues which may be occurring at that time; once that happens, it is advisable to seek assistance immediately, to avoid further escalation.

Relationships and marriages are also negatively affected by criticisms. In his famous book, Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”, Dr John Gottman, US-based contemporary psychologist best known for his research on marital stability and his ability to predict divorce with over 90 per cent accuracy, cited “criticism” as one of the most destructive and biggest predictors of divorce and separation.

According to Gottman, “when you criticise your partner you are basically implying that there is something wrong with them; you have taken a problem between you and put it inside your partner’s body. “Using the word ‘you always’ or ‘you never’ are common ways to criticise your partner who would most likely to feel under attack and respond defensively.” Because of the danger and hurt that usually accompany criticisms, particularly in intimate relationships, those with such tendency, should immediately attempt to initiate change in thinking and behaviour.

Before making critical utterances, think carefully whether it may be best to say nothing and perhaps act differently.

Practising objectivity in criticising, also borders along more effective communication.

Keep in mind that providing feedback rather than criticism, is important in developing and maintaining healthy relationships, families and communities.

To obtain a copy of the book With women in mind: 283-0318 or 795-9531.

Sandrine Rattan is a communications consultant and president of the International Women’s Resource Network (IWRN), thecorporatesuitett@ gmail.com or intlwomensresourcenetwork@ gmail.com, hotline: