A Lesson in Flying 101

He left me to check us both in while he went to park the car. Of course I was intent on getting my two bags on first then deal with that monster speaker. Happy that my makeup and swimsuits are safely heading to my flight, I launch into a story to convince the agent to check in the speaker.

Not much convincing needed to be done though, the agents at the CAL counter did some checks to make sure the speaker’s magnetism wouldn’t affect the plane’s systems. Our flight was on an ATR but as a precaution they moved us to a bigger plane just so that Mr. Man with speaker in tow would be Happy Mr. Man.

We were all smiles as everything was checked in - my almost over weight luggage, his speaker wrapped up in fragile stickers everywhere - and off we went through security.

Our flight left through an international gate. Boarding passes were stamped domestic. The short walk through Duty Free to our departure gate was therefore immensely dissatisfying, sorta exactly like window shopping two days before pay day.

We cleared security, and somehow the lighter in my handbag made it through. What a great start to our short vacation I thought. That was until Mr Man asked me about the cables for the speaker. What the hell he mean? He didn’t pack the cords for de damn ting to work? Good thing I left my keys with my neighbour to feed my dogs, so I called my sis and arranged for her to bring the cords on her flight the following day. All is well with the world again.

So remember we switched to a later flight on a Jet right? Well this is where it gets good... My gf switched flights too. We land in Bago, her big, neon pink Samsonite is the only bag in arrivals as it came on the original flight. She good. Carousel beeps. Bags start coming out. Guess what comes out flrst? Yups. The blasted speaker. My two almost over weight bags? Nowhere.

I am legit in panic mode now. All my makeup!!! Dose tings ain’t cheap! What the bleep am I gonna wear? And good god, what about my curling iron? Alas, I wasn’t the only one whose bags didn’t come. Just me and one other lady.

The counter rep explained that our bags are on the next flight in. The other lady was willing to come back tomorrow for her bag. I watched her sideways like “lady you making this worse, I need my stuff tonight dammit!” The counter agent like he saw the steam coming out my ears because all I’m seeing is the damn speaker and I don’t even have a clean underwear! He assures me. Miss your bags coming. Don’t worry. Flight should be here in half hour or so. Meanwhile the hubs is telling me to relax.

RELAX Mr Man tells me?!? Jesus take the wheel cause I was about to legit Red-woman-with-nomakeup- or-underewar-or-hair-tools-trip-the-hell-out.

But the Lord was on his side. I counted to a bousand, gave him the leave-me-the-hell-alone look all while he is leaning on the speaker and grinning.

With 30 minutes to kill we leave to get the rental car and the keys to our villa. I pray to every god during these 30 minutes, plus I needed to use the toilet from all the anxiety.

Got back to the airport just as the next flight was landing. Get to arrival and the other lady is there. I watch her like - dis bleeping liar! I saw every person on that flight get their luggage INCLUDING the other lady.

Finally, my makeup bag comes out. Cue choir of angels singing. I waste no time consulting Black Jesus.

In Hindi. In a lotus pose. Facing the East. I NEED my other bag, I have not a scrap of clothes dammit! I have never been happier to see a sweaty red rasta man in a CEPEP-like-green-reflective-vest direct his attention to me. Mr Sweaty Red Rasta stuck his head through the plastic curtain thingy that covers the top of the carousel belt asking LOUDLY “Who bag is dis?” while holding up my bag just like the Monkey shaman who presented Simba in Lion King...I am now jumping for joy, amen, hallelujah, rastafari, there is a god!! Mr Sweaty Red Rasta however does not look impressed. He say, “Miss, your bag has been vibrating since we took it off the plane, next time you must take the batteries out.” I looked him dead in the eye, took my violently shaking bag from him & with a big smile said “Thank you soooo much” in my best cunvunt aksent. The life lesson here should be when flying with toys (you know the kind I mean) remove the batteries, but like I said I have #noshame so my lesson here - next time, check in the speaker _