Remove anger from your intimacy

We are not perfect, neither can we all agree on every point and/or decision that may come the way of our relationships.

However, problems arise when we speak and act hastily in treating with disagreements. Such action if not tempered, leads to irreparable damage, and even domestic violence.

Anger is a common occurrence in intimate relationships, and partners must, from very early in their relationship, develop a simple solutions- oriented plan to treat with such occurrences. The old adage words are wind is totally untrue in the context of relationships, as some of the women who have received psychological support from my NGO, International Women’s Resource Network have painfully admitted, that they have lost their partners due to continuous war of unkind words and statements which were unleashed.

Preserving the bonds of relationships including marriage, requires the use of anger management strategies sufficiently strong to hold the cement of the relationship together; it is useless to take months and years to build your relationship and/or marriage, and allow a moment of anger to destroy it. Your anger management plan should begin by acknowledging what makes either of you angry, understanding, that you may be unable to control instances that bring on the anger, but certainly you can, and must control how you react to it. Continuously engaging in the practice of relaxation techniques would remove tension from your muscles, your brain and just put you into a soothing mood. If this can be done at least two to three times daily, that would be excellent.

If your tendency is to react hastily to situations which may be displeasing to you, stop, take a deep breath and adapt to a renewed paradigm of thinking that would assist in your reactions towards anger-oriented incidents; remember, once you become angry, your mind becomes automatically filled with offensive and hateful thoughts.

Transforming your negative thoughts begins with avoiding words such as should, should not, must, must not and never, as these connote beliefs to your partner which he/she may not agree with; instead, be open-minded and try to avoid controlling your partner’s thought patterns.

Avoid ascribing blame to your partner. When something negative occurs, refrain from pointing fingers at each other, as blame hurts both parties in a relationship. Instead, remove yourself for a short while, from the environment where the anger started. Simply excuse yourself until you calm down.

Both parties should immediately identify the source of the anger, and work on an interim solution. Mentally re-visit the chain of events that led to the anger, and try to determine how these events made you angry.This would also assist in managing potential occurrences. It is also advisable to talk to someone else..perhaps a close family member who you can confide in. ..this also works.

Create an environment where you both can discuss the issues that led to the anger, even if it means taking a drive to a park or the beach.

It is important to remember when speaking to the partner who triggered the anger, start with “I feel” so as to avoid the other partner believing that they’re being attacked personally.

Remember anger occurs in seconds, but a relationship and /or marriage is built on a platform.

To obtain a copy of the book With Women in Mind call 283-0318 or 795-9531.

Sandrine Rattan is a Communications/Branding Consultant and President of the International Women’s Resource Network (IWRN) Contact: thecorporatesuitett@ gmail.com or intlwomensresourcenetwork@ gmail.com