Share your neighbour’s pain

Although it was not my experience I could only imagine how painful it must have been for her.

Through her long and trying time, many friends and family deserted her but those of us that remained are waiting to celebrate when her children are finally returned.

The US election stirred similar sentiments in me. No I didn’t bawl, I was numb. To be honest I had already started drafting an article about how wonderful it was that the United States had a female president and how we in the Caribbean were not late to the party.

I had done my research and was ready to remind Trinidad and Tobago about Dame Eugenia Charles and Portia Simpson Miller as well as our own Kamla Persad-Bissessar.

Well that went out the window. Like the rest of the world, Hillary’s loss came as a shock. Then the sense of palpable fear from minorities that America would slip into Jim Crow 2.0 began to emerge. I read a lot and while reading the ‘expert’ analyses of the election, peppered throughout the websites were the reports of incidents of racism, with Muslims, Sikhs, Hispanic/ Asian/African Americans being physically assaulted, or subject to racist actions.

I thought about my friend and the fact that sometimes the pain of those around us needs to be our pain too.

Sometimes rather than turn a blind eye to injustice we need to support those that fight, we need to console, encourage, and sometimes cry along with them too.

I don’t know what a Donald Trump presidency will look like and that is not the point of this article. My point is if my neighbour is scared, what can I do to make it better? That is one of the duties of being a member of a community. Without a willingness to look out for someone other than a friend or family member, we are not a community but just people living alongside each other. I have yet to come across a religious doctrine that does not encourage us to love each other. Caring about each other is the best way to express that divinely ordered love.

You know what the opposite of love is? Nope, it’s not hate, it’s indifference. Indifference to the plight of those that are scared, suffering and in need around us. Unfortunately, it seems it is difficult for us to have positive sentiments towards people that are different from us. If they don’t look like, think like, sound like or are just like us, we relegate them to the other and they become ‘those people’.

Unlike many I really dislike being surrounded by people exactly like me, same ethnicity, same educational and socio-economic background. What on Earth am I supposed to discuss with them? Are we supposed to compare the slightly different versions of our almost identical lives? Yawn. How dull. Rather, I choose to surround myself with a very diverse group, and associate with persons from around the world, from different faiths, different sexual orientations, with varying levels of education and of all different ages. I want to discuss world affairs, international relations, what things were like in the old days, other ethnic groups’ traditions and customs, comparative religion and the like. I can learn from the people around me and share what I know too.

Anyone that has been to New York knows the city is a microcosm of the world, in fact you can experience the entire world in just a few blocks. There are people from every country in the world, no matter how obscure, right there. I can have a world class bowl of Vietnamese noodle soup then five minutes later eat a wicked curried goat. Learning to live together and to co-exist with each other is a very enriching experience.

So when your neighbour is living in terror, it is a test of your humanity. What are you going to do? Will you cry with her and console her, protect her and be an ally or will you turn a blind eye and busy yourself with your own life? While this seems to be true of the United States right now it is just as relevant a question to each of us. If you have a neighbour who is a victim of domestic violence are you going to pretend you don’t know or are you going to extend compassion and aid to the person. Yes, it will cost you something, it is not easy to be there for someone during the hard times, it takes a lot out of you. I can’t tell you the nights I sacrificed precious sleep to console my friend over the phone, or just to talk with her like if things were normal just to give her a mental break from the stress.

I can tell you, though, the victory of my friend was like my own. I cried from pure relief, knowing what she, no, we had endured together. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel was cathartic to me. The way things are these days it makes me doubt the things I was taught and question the values I learnt at my grandmother’s knee. I was relieved that my beliefs were right, in the end you know what? In the long run, bullies still loose, truth still triumphs over dishonesty, hard work and diligence still bring results and vindication is the sweetest thing you will experience in this life. This is true no matter who you are and no matter where you live.

So, to those of us with family or friends living in the USA who are traumatised by the results of the recent election or those of us with friends, relatives, coworkers, or acquaintances who are enduring terrible circumstances, let us sacrifice self and offer support.

What can you do to help? Can you offer shelter, money, advice or emotional support? Will you help dry their tears and hold their hands and help them stand again so they can fight another day? Can you be the difference between them giving up or enduring long enough to overcome their circumstances? Now that I’ve stopped crying in relief for my friend I can tell you, those of us that continued to support her feel there is nothing we can’t achieve. It was long and hard being there for her but I’m glad I did it. There are still hurdles to overcome but after what we’ve all been through, it doesn’t seem impossible anymore.

So, M, as long as you need me I’ll be there with a hand to help in whatever way I can. I look forward to doing the impossible, battling more giants and celebrating success with you and I promise next time I wouldn’t bawl so much..