Talk to your children about HIV and AIDS

Of course, he did ask how he (my cousin) died and I told him “pneumonia”. It’s hard enough talking to him about sex, and I have never been able to work up the courage to work in the details of HIV and AIDS.

In another eight to ten years, though, whether or not I choose to accept it, I know I am going to have to deal with the possibility of him becoming sexual active, the likelihood of him being exposed to drug use, and wanting to get piercings and tattoos – all of which, if he isn’t properly educated on the subject matters, can expose him to contracting HIV and other Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI).

So the question is, how do I, and other parents start preparing our children for what lies ahead? How can we guide them into making good sexual and healthy choices? How do we talk to them about STIs and in particular, HIV and AIDS? Marriage and Family Therapist and former Social Worker, Marcia Celestine says the manner in which parents start that discussion is no different from how they would approach the topic of sex and sexual health.

“Parents need to give their children as much information as they can give them from an early age, but the information must be age appropriate. And it doesn’t have to be that difficult because there is a wealth of information available out there. There are books that can help you talk to your children about sex and their sexual health from a very young age, teaching them not only about safety but helping them to establish boundaries around their sexual health and doing it in a positive way,” Celestine tells WMN.

However, she warns that parents need to administer this information in appropriate doses. “Don’t force information on a child that they are not able to process. You would know your child and what they need to know, and you always have to be a step ahead of the game. Don’t wait for something to happen to tell them that risky sexual behaviour can lead to the contraction of HIV and AIDS. Be in preventative mode instead of crisis mode,” by gradually preparing them for the sexual and health related realities of the world.

And what if you find yourself with a crisis on your hands before you’ve had the opportunity to complete your lesson? “You need to be calm,” Celestine advises. “There is no point in you having a shouting match making them more guilty than they feel. And they do feel guilty if they are already engaging in sexual or other risky activities and they know you don’t approve.

“If it means that you are not the one to deal with the situation if you discover by chance that your child is sexual active,” doing drugs or got unauthorised tattoos and piercings, “then the calmer parent should take the responsibility of dealing with the situation.” Throughout the course of her career Celestine has seen and heard a lot. “I have found myself having to interact with young people who presented with STDs and some who have had some scares because they have been risky with their sexual health,” and there was always a common thread – “A self-esteem issue.

Parents need to build their children’s self-esteem.

Your children need to know how great they are. You need to make the time for them and they need to know how proud you are of them with no conditions attached. Not their grades etc.” “The starting point for any young person appreciating their bodies starts with self-confidence and selfesteem.

If you have a child who is very suggestable and saying no means they will be left out of the group, then you may have a problem on your hands because they may be easily lured into participating in risky sexual conduct. The more you build your child’s self-esteem the less likely they will be to fall to sexual abuse, peer pressure etc. And teach them to ask the hard questions of potential sexual partners when that time comes, because some people lie about their sexual history and statuses.” She adds that while the sexual experiments of some children are to some degree exploratory, for other children it may be caused by explicit exposure to sexual material. “They may be exposed prematurely to things they ought not see at that early age and they may want to introduce these things to their friends. So they may tell your child ‘meet me in the bathroom or something like that.’” Celestine says parents need to set sexual boundaries away from the “earshot and eyeshot” of their children, because premature and overexposure to sexual content can have a longstanding negative impact on their sexual, mental, emotional and social health.