#LifeinLeggings Stories of sexual harassment and abuse growing up a girl in the Caribbean

Growing up in a society where “sooting” is part of the daily soundtrack of your walk to school/work/church/anywhere really.

Where the saying “after 12 is lunch” is funny and not only uttered by men both young and old but is also acted upon as shown by the recent reported case of the 26-year-old pastor caught literally with his pants down with a 14-year-old girl in her school uniform. Where child sexual abuse is rampant in many homes and communities, and where your rapist is probably the boy who took you to your form five graduation.

#LifeinLeggings was started by two Barbadian women who wanted to highlight the glaring lack of respect for women and our bodies that is ingrained in Caribbean societies, and where sexual harassment is as sure to happen.

Every.

Single.

Time.

You.

Leave.

Your.

House.

There have been hundreds of women opening the muddiest and tangled corners of their past and baring their scars of sexual violence, sexual assault, rape and other disturbing narratives that will leave you troubled and saddened. The Girlfriends discussed just how they’ve learned to adapt and move forward having had their own #LifeinLeggings experiences.

I applaud all these women for discussing these “taboo” topics with such courage in the hope of forcing us as a society to confront the scourge of sexual violence against girls and women that needs to end now.

Nick: For me even though the abuse has been many years ago, the mental aftermath never ends, no matter how much you try and put it to the back of your head. You just learn to live one day at a time.

Rory: I cannot bring myself to travel in a taxi, for nothing. I hired a private taxi to take me to the airport once and almost had an aneurysm trying to remain calm in a strange man’s car.

Nick: I made my life busy purposely.

Kimba: #LifeinLeggings shows me how prevalent it is. My experience in the street walking and being constantly offered various “suggestions” as to what services they want to perform on me. You get so accustomed learning to avoid it...crossing the street... head down…that it becomes normal, but it isn’t.

Staci: I was almost raped in secondary by one of my friends (who I went out with a couple of times) and a couple of his friends. He was tall and popular and on the football team, who would have ever thought he would try something so disgusting.

That day I learnt to real cuss MC and pelt cuff like a pro I can tell you that. I’m over it now, but that doesn’t mean I can’t talk about it now that I have a voice and an audience. I think the discussion forces people to confront experiences that happen to far too many of us. It shows that sometimes many things we think are unique to us have happened to so many other women/people.

Chanelle: We trust them because well like you say they were our ‘friends’.

Katherine: Experiences are universal. We as women must not suffer in silence thinking it’s only us, and we see more and more that it’s not “stranger-danger” but the attackers are in our peer groups and families. For me, once a predator always a predator and I don’t want no one to tell me it’s “boys being boys” nonsense, because not all boys violate. Either it’s within you or it’s not.

Staci: These stories are rampant that’s the thing and even though not every woman has experienced something like this, the collective voices and shared experiences out there can help someone who may not know where to turn to if it does happen.

Staci: You what I always wonder? What about some of the wives and girlfriends of these rapists and abusers? I wonder how that convo goes down with your significant other if you find out he’s been accused or even worse found guilty of some sort of sex crime? Mel: Who cares! If you’re guilty, then you’re a rapist. Let’s get a Rapist logo designed, like a border that you can use over any pic and for women to use to name and shame their predators.

Staci: Lord Mel! But seriously though, if someone come with a story and the police and say that your husband rape them, what would be your reaction? Mel: I now asking him and I find he’s being very ignorant about the whole topic. But to answer your question, I’d leave him and it would be the perfect out too. Oh, and I’d loud him up and make sure everybody knows he’s a rapist.

Ronz: What a topic to wake up to. Conversations like these are so important and necessary. Women and girls are assaulted daily and almost always by someone known to them. The stranger lurking in the bushes or alley waiting to rape you isn’t nearly as common as the friend, uncle, neighbour, boyfriend, etc who actually ends up assaulting you. I think most wives/ girlfriends would support their men. Women have been faced with hard facts, evidence they couldn’t deny and still refused to believe they could have married someone like that. Some eventually come around but usually it takes discovering your husband is a serial rapist or child molester. But if he’s living a “happy life” normal and is a good husband, his wife will almost definitely support his version of events.

Tams: It’s sad to know that so many women have a story and this hashtag shows that plain as day. What kills me is that some people still have the audacity to try to justify the behaviour as I saw in a post on Facebook.

“To the DJs on who were discussing the #LifeinLeggings movement on a popular home time drive segment: How can you say “if the woman is dressing a certain way and causes me to feel some urges, they can’t get vex when men express those urges”?? I have seen women get harassed in work clothes, uniforms, even while pregnant. It does not matter if you have “dressed responsibly”. Once you are female, and alone, you are a target. The solution is not for women to be more responsible. It is to teach men to respect women.

Second of all, you say the women who don’t like getting catcalled must have some kind of insecurity? How does that even make sense? Of course, nothing is wrong with saying “good morning” or paying a woman a compliment, should you be in a position to do so. But what tends to happen is, we get screamed at from a moving vehicle, or have a stranger come into our personal space and whisper it. You want to know why women aren’t prepared to “give it back” when they are catcalled? It’s because catcalling is not a compliment. It is a threat. And it’s better to walk away, rather than risk the man acting on that threat.

You had a chance to bring light to this movement and set a good example for the men that need to be educated on it.

Instead, you just proved that your mentality is just the same as theirs.” You can read more about the #LifeinLeggings posts online, just search the hashtag on Twitter and Facebook, or use the hashtag if you’re compelled to open up and share your own experience.

The Girlfriends is a group of 15 women between the ages of 26 - 45 who are willing to give an unadulterated look into their own experiences. Some names have been changed for privacy.

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