Too many women dying

In reported homicides for last year, 34 women were among the statistics. For 2017 to date, seven women have been murdered.

On Monday’s “Conversation with The Prime Minister”, Prime Minister Dr Keith Rowley, in response to a question on what was he doing to stem spiralling crime in Trinidad and Tobago, responded, “You calling on the Prime Minister to do something about crime. I am not in your bedroom. I am not in your choice of men. As Prime Minister, I cannot dictate to the police how to treat with citizens. Like you, I too am watching with anger at some of the things I am seeing. I have not opened my mouth.” Head of the Institute for Gender and Development Studies, Dr Gabrielle Hosein, said a number of cases involving abuse of women in which they were assaulted or murdered were very specifically about intimate partner violence (IPV).

“What that means,” she suggested, “Is that there is something that is missing in terms of women who are experiencing any level of IPV being able to successfully get protection from social services. When you are experiencing violence from your partner you call 800-SAVE, maybe you end up in a shelter, and shelters are very specific kinds of experiences.” She added, “As we are aware, there are a number of women who are killed after getting protection orders. The woman whose throat was slit (at MovieTowne last week) had a protection order. Apart from issuing a protection order we need to look at what is the process of monitoring.

Is there a system of sufficient monitoring those situations in which women are trying to live their lives?” Hosein said protection orders sometimes exacerbated women’s vulnerability, and there was not sufficient institutional follow- up. Hosein said if a woman took out a protection order, and even if she stayed in the house with her abuser for whatever reason, while she was still there, police should visit regularly to see how she was without any complaint being made.

“A system then gets put into place, and when they found the police making those visits, it decreases the likelihood of violence because the men know you are not isolated, that you carry the force of authority, that you have networks that are available to you,” she said.

Hosein said there was a disjuncture about what was happening at the level of calls to domestic violence hotlines and recommendations of women being taken to shelters. She added that women showed up at the Ministry of Social Development and Family Services looking for some kind of economic support so they leave their abuser and get the space that they needed.

“Something is missing between points of contact and the follow up that’s required to continue to provide safe conditions for women,” Hosein told Sunday Newsday. “The State needs to have a monitoring mechanism once they knew this was happening.

It was not her responsibility to always go to the police station. There is need for a more sustained follow-up and monitoring, once reports have been made, that provide women with protection, initiated and managed by the State throughout the process.” Hosein said there was not sufficient connection being made with random killings.

She said greater connections needed to be explored amongst the various cases to find out where seemingly random killing of women occurred, and what could be the factors that we are missing.

“Too many women are dying outside of the IPV situation,” Hosein observed. “Too many women are being killed for it to be merely random. There are explanatory causes for all social behaviour when it is occurring with such frequency.” Hosein added, “I think we need to really get an approach to looking at these cases and what are their connections that may not currently be taking place or which can take place, with an eye to figuring out what are the patterns in situations that appear random.” “You need to have specialised analysts working on this kind of data within policing units,” Hosein suggested. “Not every police officer is able to put together this kind of data. There are patterns happening that we are not aware of.” With respect to the Prime Minister’s oversimplified suggestion that women “pick their men wisely,” clinical and counselling psychologist Nidhi Kirpalani pointed out that people choose their partners primarily on the information they have, the wisdom and knowledge given to them through their observations, and lessons and the way they interpret such lessons.

Therefore, not only could a person hide their true self, or certain aspects of their personality, but the other person’s own experiences could skew the information gained, making them oblivious to certain signals.

Warning signs include addiction (porn, alcohol, drugs) which alter the person’s neurochemical state, a history of being abusive, and aggressive coping strategies. She said while research suggests the history of an abuser could include witnessing domestic violence in their family or experiencing direct physical, sexual, emotional abuse/neglect, that did not mean that all persons with such a history would definitely abuse nor that persons without such a history would not.

Kirpalani explained the essence of abuse was control and power, taking away these things from the abused. She said persons who abuse may use demeaning language, put their partner down emotionally, severely criticize, may use physical force and even sexual intimidation or sexual force.

“A key facet is often in the manipulation,” Kirpalani pointed out. “These perpetrators often praise and adore their partner afterwards. So, ‘I hit you to I love you’, ‘you know you get me angry’ to ‘here are flowers’ etc.

Often they don’t bother to talk about the event after it occurs as if nothing happened. Imagine the psychological roller-coaster that victim experiences probably over and over.” She said someone with a tendency to abuse may continue to do so unless they seek ways to improve themselves, preferably through therapeutic interventions, adequate coping mechanisms and development in their sense of self so that there was no need to prey on others to feel better.

Why do women stay in abusive relationships? Firstly, Kirpalani pointed out that women were also perpetrators. but unfortunately, abused men were often ridiculed while it was often condoned when a woman hit a man. She stressed that healthy relationships did not involve abuse by any party.

“Some women and men stay because perhaps it (leaving) is not the socially correct thing to do,” Kirpalani pointed out. “Does religion or culture insult those who leave? Sometimes family members would encourage you to stay or even blame you.

Some may say look he’s/she’s sorry and got you flowers or gifts.

Some external parties may not believe you at all because your partner does not appear that way. Often people fall victim to what we believe society wants us to do.” Kirpalani noted that at times victims believed they were at fault, or they may stay due to fear or threats of harm to family members, friends or children. Some were financially reliant on the abuser because they were stopped from working or paying bills, or they believe they would have no house nor job if not for their partner.

“Some believe that to leave means to be killed or to be brought back into the situation since there is not adequate support to help the person get away from such turmoil - a place where they can engage in therapeutic interventions so that they see that the power and control lie within them and not with their partner.

We need more places for these victims to be able to come for their security and find the help they need especially if they have children,” she said.

She added that to help stop the cycle of abuse, emotional intelligence training and education on positive coping strategies should be given to children at a young age. She suggested such training be given through the school systems, particularly institutions with a psychologist attached.

Kirpalani urged victims of domestic violence and their loved ones to seek help for themselves, any children involved, and even the perpetrator.

She advised them to contact Men Against Violence Against Women, the Trinidad and Tobago Association of Psychologists which had a list of private psychologists who could assist (secretary@ psychology tt.org or their Facebook page), and other agencies who help those in need.